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Posts Tagged ‘trump

HAWAII MISSILE ALARM IS DONALD TRUMP’S FAULT! SAYS TULSI GABBARD??

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nuclear-weapons-head-640x353

While enjoying a much needed vacation on Oprah’s dime (see note), I came upon two surfers on the beach. Much to my surprise it was, I believe, a young, popular congreswoman talking to a wiry, blond mop haired boy sitting on their boards animately talking away the sunset. At the mention of “bomb”, I tucked myself behind a palm tree to eavesdrop the conversation. And what I heard will ah-freaking-maze you!

Blond Boy yelled ” Oh snap congresswoman ma’am! I’m going to get fired for this, huh? Just when I put a iPhone 10 and a new PlayStation VR Skyrim on daddy’s card. He’s gonna go all savage on that shit. It’s so LIT! Am I getting axed miss congresswoman? Oh damn!”

Bikini Woman said “Stop calling me that! We don’t have to be gender specific anymore. Man! Woman! We are what we want to be not what society tells us to be! There is no “congresswoman” or “congressman”, we are “Congressperson” now” Calming herself down with a swig or three from the bottle of Facundo Bacardi Rum she had in her Chanel beach tote. she continued ” You, fired? No way will I let that happen to my best boy! Besides, it wasn’t your fault that alarm went off. So what if you butt dialed the “impending missile” button at the EMA? It wasn’t your fault cutie pie! Now come and give your bestie a wet one!”

BB –¬† Looking over at the woman some twenty year older than him, he ran his fingers through his wavy locks with anticipation. Then he pulled a cigar? and a Bic lighter out of his trunks, lit it and pulled in a twenty second drag, blew it out through a smile as wide as the ocean before them and said “Thank you! You ah blazin’! I could smash you right now bae! You are the goat!”

Every generation has their own speak so I had to look up the slang later. The first few were what I thought but “goat” had me stumped. I slapped my forehead hard when seeing Greatest Of All Time. Of course! What I suspected he really meant was “milf” but that might be “so five minutes ago” for Blondie.

BW said “C’mon Doggie! Why would anyone blame you for causing panic in the streets when we all know who did it? Donald Freaking Trump pushed that button! Put a button in front of that lunatic and he’ll pound it just to get ratings. He sent out that bomb alarm from his golf-freaking-cart in shithole Florida! You wait baby boy, that golden guffaw will hit his My Button is Bigger Than Yours button if we don’t get him out of the White House. NOW! And, speaking of big buttons, get down here and show me Yours big boy!”

As Blond Boy was undoing himself, Bikini Woman’s phone started chirping. She answered the call saying “What boy? Oh, him!. He’s Lulu’s nephew. She asked me to get him a job after he quit high school in October. Eighteen. I swear! I think. Anyway, who’s watching? Him? Naw. he’s catching waves down in Byron Bay. No worries hon. What did Pelosi say? Oh, right. I’m on it already. I’ve been saying that since my hunka hunka burning love planted his fine ass on the button. It’s Trump’s fault, that’s what we say no matter what, right? I mean really, how else we going to get Hills in the White House if we don’t keep the flames stoked against Trump. Our people will fall for Anything we tell them . I know, right! Now don’t bother me, I gotta catch me a wave. A blond one!”

Her toyboy was not up to the job though. The cigar was casting it’s drift my way and the smell was unmistakable. Completely buzzed by his big blunt, BM had left his congresshuman and fell on the beach closer to the Pacific. He had his finger in the air shouting to the moon “Trump did it! What I don’t know but he did it!” Turning back to the naked woman on the beach, he said “Right bae? Damn! You blaz…” then he drifted off and planted his face in the sand.

I left the two all alone, both passed out with the tide coming in. The thought of keeping them from being covered by the impending salt water came and went. Best to let Trump do it,

NOTE: Read previous post to see how Boo Feeder got paid

OPRAH WINFREY ANNOUNCES RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN NEAR NORTH SIDE CHICAGO!

 

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Written by boofeeder

January 14, 2018 at 6:52 pm

COMEY MEETS IN PRIVATE MEETING WITH SENATE PANEL THEN LEAKS BOMBSHELLS!

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comeyAfter the public interrogation, the former FBI czar met with the Senate Intelligence Committee members in private to answer questions that he refused to answer in an open setting. Soon afterwards, Comey leaked an audio tape that he secretly had hidden in classic FBI fashion: a 007 style recorder planted in the Windsor knot of his tie. When the top secret testimony was over, James Comey ducked into the mens room to drop the nickel size recorder in the waste bucket for his cohort at the New York Times to dig out of the trash later. Unknowing to Comey, our own reporter, Boo Feeder, was using the restroom for its intended purpose and saw what the fired FBI director let go in the garbage. It is from that tape that we are able to tell our dear readers what went on behind closed doors.

The edited version goes like this:

Richard Burr: Thank you Mr. Comey for meeting with us.

James Comey: Like I had a choice ( chuckles )

Susan Collins: Mr. Comey, you admitted, much to my surprise, that you leaked a memo to the New York Times about your meeting with President Trump but you didn’t leak the fact that the FBI was not investigating the president for any ties with Russia. Or did you and it didn’t get out?

Comey: No Senator Collins, I did not leak anything to the Times. My best buddy did that. He and I have a relationship that is very private so we can share

Mark Warner: Whoa Jimmy! No need to get yourself in another jackpot!

Collins: Mr. Warner! I am not done! Please do not interrupt me when I

Kamala Harris: That’s enough out your lobster lips you old bag! I have some hair dye in my purse you might want to use. There’s a strand of gray peeking through your pine tree hair Suzy honey. Hi Jimbo! You’re looking fine today! How about we do lunch then you can do me!

Comey: No Kam, I can’t do that, sorry. I have to see a man about a boat ( the sound of swallowing water? is loud and clear ). After that my banker asked to see me about a recent deposit.

Marco Rubio: Your banker? Recent deposit? Were you paid to leak that memo and who paid you Mr. Commy?

Comey: It’s Coh-me Mr. Rubik, not Commie. I have served America all my adult life and resent your insinuation that I am a communist. But, if I were a commie, that would not be illegal. As you know there are plenty of commies in Washington DC but I am not one of them. I demand you take that back!

Rubio: Or what? You’ll take your crayons and go

Dianne Feinstein: ( yelling ) Stop it children! Jimmy, you and I go back a long way and I think it’s time we end this nonsense before you say something you’ll regret later. Miss Harris? I’m free for lunch and would love to be with ( pause ) go with you. My treat sweetie! ( a muffled female voice is heard saying “Gotchya baby” but we aren’t certain it was Kamana Harris’ voice )

John Cornyn: Okay, we all have somewhere to go so let’s get on with why we are here. Mr. Comey you say now that the FBI did not investigate Russian interference in our election but didn’t leak that to your buddy or anyone else. But, you did find it necessary to leak a memo about a conversation with Donald Trump who was only hoping that a man who served his country with valor and heroism from public disgrace. Now you infer that there are communists in DC who may be influencing our

Joe Manchin: Don’t answer that Jimmy! ( screaming ) You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are our friend and noble comrade! You

Burr: HA! Now we know who to put a target on! You and all the other anti-Americans in public office and in the mass media. You are all going down!

Harris and Feinstein: ( in unison ) Going down?!

Harris ( in sing-song ): Glory be! Let’s get outa here Di baby!

And with that, the meeting ended. Comey and most of the senate committee hustled their way out of the building. Kamala Harris and Dianne Feinstein were seen hand in hand running past the horde of photogs into one car then sped away.

 

Disclaimer:

This is Fake News! It is written to put a humorous spin on our ever depressing news of the days. None of it is true and not meant to be construed as such!

 

 

Written by boofeeder

June 9, 2017 at 6:07 pm