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Posts Tagged ‘Donald Trump

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

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Boofeeder recently applied to MSNBC for the host position vacated by Corrine Brown ( D-Fla) who was to be filling in for Rev. Al Sharpton while he goes on leave for a sex reassignment operation. Whether his or not is not known at this writing. Nevertheless, ex-congresswoman Brown will be away serving time, er … visiting her constituents at Allenwood Federal Prison for the next dozen or so years. The job opportunity comes at a time when Boofeeder would welcome the extra income to support his ailing cat, Boo.

Following is a copy of the application:

Name: Boofeeder

Sex ( if decided ): Male

Age ( you may use a Common Core calculator ): 64 – (12 moons x’s 2 polar bears x’s 3 icebergs ) + 3 fingers = 29 years old.

How many times can you repeat “Russia” in sixty seconds? 179

Which syllable in “impeachment” is emfasized? :  Emphasized? That would be on IM-peach-ment

How many eye rolls can you do when the name “Trump” is menshunnned?  Mentioned? As many as it takes to get the job

Are you able to shout “Trump Loves Putin!” without spitting?  Yes, maybe.

Trump is in Israel now. Give a brief example of how you would begin your report if you were there: Here we are with Trump in Israel which is only 1600 miles from Moscow. That’s less than three hours away from Russia, plenty of time to collude with Putin on how to fix more elections. Russia, Russia, Russia! IMpeach Trump! Russia, Russia. Too damn close to Russia!

Does Miladia Trump speak Russian?  Melania? Of course! ALL Trumps speak Russian. They are Russia’s best friends!

How Much Do You Hate Trump? RUSSSSSSSSIA!!!!!!!

May 22, 2017 Update:

Boofeeder was turned down for the following reasons per an email received this morning that reads in part:

Mr. Ms. or Wz.  Boofeeder, We are happy to inform you that you will not be working for us. You are clearly too enamored with Trump to fill the chair in our esteemed studio. For one, spelling is Not to be korrected. Words cannot be put in a box, they must be free to be themselves whatever that is. Also, 179 times is all you can manage to say Russia in one minute? Our hosts and guests top our minimum requirement of 225 Russias/Minute. Also, we know you are a liar! 2 polar bears times 12 moons? Really? Everyone knows there will be no more polar bears in 12 moons! Study up on Global Warming and speeding up your Russia spewing skills then get back to us. But! Be quick be cause imPEACHment will be sooner than you thing.

So much for that! Looks like Boofeeder will be selling his watch collection to pay the veterinarian.

Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 3:58 pm

BOB BECKEL TAKES AIM AT DONALD TRUMP

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Written by boofeeder

March 15, 2017 at 6:08 pm

BOB BECKEL TAKES AIM AT DONALD TRUMP

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After an extended vacation our fearless reporter, Boo Feeder,  has returned for your pleasure.  Mr. Feeder played gumshoe to track Bob Beckel to an after hours bar on 14th Street in southeast DC.  Carefully memorizing the secret knock on the oak paneled door, Boo Feeder rapped three times, kicked twice then hummed the tune of ‘One For My Baby’ into the six inch sliding steel hatch. He was let in and, luckily for him, the patrons were too intoxicated to notice or care who the guy with an Orioles tee-shirt tucked into a pair of slightly too large pair of jeans. Feeder was happy to have lost a few pounds these past few months but not nearly as elated to have caught Bob Beckel alone with his cheeks falling over the sides of a barstool. He sat next to the come-back liberal on Fox News and placed his phone between them to record the conversation.


Beckel began with”Orioles huh? They blew it in the World Series last years. Why the hell you thank they’ll win this year? THEY”RE DONE I tell youse! Hey slim, what’s that chatterbox doing on the bar?” 

“It’s my cellphone Mr. Beckel. I’d like to have our one-on-one recorded if that’s okay. Okay?”

“What the hell do I care asshole? Orioles suck!” Beckel said after slamming a bottle of soda on the bar.

“O’s haven’t been to the big show since 1983 when they beat Philly in five but that’s not what I want to talk to you about. Glad to see you’re drinking Coke not Coor’s but why here in a bar? Isn’t it dangerous for an alcoholic to sit at a bar at 3:30 in the morning?”

“None of your effing buzzniss buster. What you here for? Trump put you up to this? That freakin’ lying con man bazztert.” Beck was shouting now. With both fists pounded on the bar he continued “FREAKING LYINGS DRUMP! His goldamn fault that I’m sherry-er. Sum uva BRITCH flat I’m high against.” One cheek followed the other to the floor leaving Bob Beckel to shout more indiscernible words into the unpolished dirty wood flooring.

“But Bob, you’re drinking Coca Cola not some Russian vodka. How can you be drunk? Why do you hate Donald Trump so much? Isn’t anger poison to your sobriety?” Boo Feeder said compassionately. Beckel was like the political equivalent to Howard Cosell; a man you loved to hate. Not like this though. His fellow babbling, incoherent, angry Democrat friends can tolerate such vitriol but Feeder is not one of them.

“Druck? I’m not a truck! So I takes few pills so onest a while. SOO FreakING SO! I don’t take Votka so there your Trump bastred. I love efferyfuggingbody cept that bitsh Thrump. Heza LIAR! What ju mean Russia? You a goddam Russkier from that muffa Republicant Troump? GET OUR HERA BAZZERT! I TOLE YOU LOVE NOT HARE!” Beckel continued the rant rolling on the floor mumbling more profanity.

Boo Feeder watched helplessly as the straight jacket was wrestled on to Bob Beckel’s dirty suit and hauled off to St. Elizabeth’s Hospital. His suspenders were taken off for safety sake and tossed in the direction of Feeeder. He picked them up to hang them in his office where they are today. A memorial to the man that once was and is now in need of much prayer.

May God help Bob Beckel and all the other Trump haters that are so filled with anger that they defy the very principles they vie for.

 

Written by boofeeder

March 15, 2017 at 5:31 pm