Didio’s Weblog

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

INTERVIEW WITH NANCY PELOSI AND HILLARY CLINTON ON GUN REGULATION

leave a comment »

hillpol

By a stroke of luck, fate, happenstance or whatever you want to call such a chance meeting, Boo Feeder found himself stuck in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi and 2016 losing presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton. Their conversation was, well, read the transcript for yourself:

Warning! Contains offensive, vulgar language.

” Mrs. Pelosi? Mrs. Clinton? What a surprise to find both of you here at the Trump International Hotel! ” I said while boarding the Executive Elevator on the third floor. Unbeknownst to the women, I reached around my back to press the Stop button. Penthouse suite be damned! There were too many questions to ask in just six floors.

” Who the hell are you? ” They said in unison. Then Hillary said ” Oh holy freaking shit. It’s that lowbrow what’s-his-name, Boob Feeler. Hey! What the fuck? Why are we stuck in this piece of shit box? ” Then, again together, they screamed ” I love your box! “. Obviously the ladies had one or eighteen too many at the bar. This will be fun!

” Ladies. it is rumored that you are pooling resources to revise the second amendment. True? False? ” I asked with my back to the button panel.

Pelosi began with ” Revise my hairy, wet ass! That amendment is going DOWN! Who needs guns anyway? Boob Feeler! Love that name. You want to, you know….”

” Boo Feeder ma’am and no, I don’t want to feel you up. Thanks but no thanks. So, you mean to take guns away from all citizens? Everyone, Mrs. Pelosi? ”

Hillary Clinton piped in ” Goddam right Goof Baller! Nobody should have a gun. NOBODY! If there were no guns there would be no goddam gun fucking violence ASSHOLE! ” Then she turned to Mrs. Pelosi who was sucking her fingers and said to her ” Nan baby, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get in our suite and I’ll make everything fine, honey.”

I tried to ask them if they planned on outlawing knives, cars, hammers, tire irons and the like. Not to mention the scalpels of abortion doctors who kill over 200 babies a day but, without warning, the women attacked me with, you guessed it, guns! Both pulled 9mm Glocks out of their purses demanding I get them out of this box so they could get into boxes they both loved and pined for.

Funny thing was, when I let go of the Stop button, the women didn’t get out on the ninth floor. They inserted an Executive Pass key and, hand on hand, pushed the CT button. Now, what do you think they wanted to do in the Clock Tower in DC? This could be bad. Real bad.

Lucky for us all, their visit to the clock tower was not for nefarious means. They just wanted some ” alone time ” as Mrs. Pelosi told me later when I saw her and Mrs. Clinton at the bar sipping out of a bottle of  Drambuie with interlaced wet hands squeezing together tightly. Each had one hand on the bottle on the table and one hand on their pistol under the table. The mystery of why the clock bells struck seventeen times at the stroke of one, was solved!

 

Advertisements

Written by boofeeder

October 6, 2017 at 4:20 pm

AN INTERVIEW WITH AN NFL KNEE

leave a comment »

 

SAM_32881

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a punishing entrance into the locker room of an NFL team, Boo Feeder was able to get an exclusive interview with a knee of one of the players. That was not the original intention as he wanted to talk to a complete person but, after being beaten down by a dozen linemen, a knee that stayed planted on Boo’s face was the best he could do. Once his larynx healed, Boo Feeder phoned in this report:

While under the knee of a player on a team that may remain anonymous, I was able to get in a few questions before the EMT’s rolled me into the back of a beer truck. Unfortunately, despite much begging with my praying hands, the cute paramedic girl would not put a Coor’s Light in the IV line. To the best of my recollection, the interview went pretty good, albeit a bit bizarre, up to the time I heard the crunching of bone. Mine.

” Hi. Could you tell me what it is you are protesting when kneeling during the National Anthem? “

” You putting my name down? What the hell you wrote there Bee Keeper? “

” It’s Boo. Boo Feeder, sir. No, I’m not divulging your name. That’s a promise CJ! ” I said while laying flat on my back holding two thumbs up. Then asked him again what was the message he and many others in the NFL were kneeling for.

” Man, it’s about white … wait, what? What damn bulge you talking Foo Bleeder? Man, you all gone racist up in here! See? That’s what we’re putting our knees down for. Like when your granddaddy cracked his whip on my black slave peoples. And your white police up in North Avenue shooting my brothers over what? A bag of boy? Man y’all supremisses got to STOP! ” he yelled while pressing dangerously close to my demise.

Gasping for a breath, I managed ” Bulge? What the hell are You talking CJ? And by the way, my family has never owned a slave unless you want to count Pamela Arnold, my Very hot babysitter when I was ten, she …..wait, that doesn’t count. As for police shootings, you know there never was a ” Hands up! Don’t shoot! ” when that officer shot a thief that was going for his gun, don’t you? How about the fact that last year 8,000 blacks were killed by other blacks, 200 were killed by police, both black and white, and ninety percent of them were armed with guns.” Whew! That took every breath I had. My eyes were rolling like a pinball being hit by the flippers but I did manage to hear the knee’s reply.

” So what, cracker! Don’t matter none of that. What do matter is  Black Lives and as long as they hand out the cheese, we going to punch a knee in the grass whenever you white slave owning supressmitts keep playing that nasty-ass whitey song. We got the rights to protest bigotry! We demand empathy for our people! We is so oppressed. What?”

At that time another knee came plunging on my neck. This one had a smooth blue suit pants leg on it but compounded with the white and purple knee it was more that I could stand. No more words were leaving nor any air entering. I passed out but somehow heard the two knees talking.

” Yo Roger! This white whipper cracker is turning blue! Said his name is Boob Feeler, he ain’t going to be feeling no more boobies we don’t get up off his lily white ass! “

” Whatever. So you know, George says you guys keep up the kneeling. Said before long he was going to get everything right in this whole damn country. When that new constitution is written, you, me and every person like us is going to rule the country, someday the whole world! By the way CJ, he put an envelope in your locker. One thicker than before!”

” Sweet! Long as George kicks out the green, we take a knee. My man!”

” Oh, he did say one more thing. He needs his grass cut and the pool cleaned. Damn! He didn’t say which lawn or pool. I have a list back in the office. After I call ESPN and tell them what to say, I’ll get that list. “

” Sheeee-it! Georgie got so many cribs! Think one day he’ll let us go swimming in one of his pools? “

That’s when the lights went out and a strange sensation came over me. I was floating inside a  what? Beer truck ambulance? ” Is this a beer truck or an ambulance? Am I having a out of body experience, Lord? ” I said to the white lights.

” No Mr. Feeler, not hardly! Mr. Bisciotti doesn’t like ambo’s on the parking lot. Makes football look dangerous so we camp out in beer trucks. Makes football look like a sport for deep pocket drinkers not poor, penniless cripples, so he says. You’re not having an out of body experience, you are under the influence of a pain medication we gave you. Now just lay back Boob. We’ll have you at Johns Hopkins in a couple minutes. Keep your hands to yourself and they’ll have you up and about soon enough. ” said a disembodied, sweet sounding female voice.

” Boo not Boob and Feeder not Feeler! ” I screamed, or at least tried to. My body was strapped to a stretcher and my hands were curiously bound with duct tape when they rolled me into the ER. It was nearly a week before I could speak any words and it’ll be another week before my hands are unbound. That gives me plenty of time to figure out who this George guy is. If you have any clues, please pass them along.

Until then, I remain Boob Feele …. Dang! Now they have me saying it. I am Boo Feeder, over and out!

 

Written by boofeeder

September 28, 2017 at 4:01 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

What Happened With The Interview With Hillary Clinton

leave a comment »

During an afternoon stroll in the woods near his vacation home in Chappaqua New York, Boo Feeder came upon a figure draped with a black curtain. Fearing for his life and the lives of his family just yards away, Feeder took action to thwart the threat.

” Ah hah! I got you! ” Boo Feeder screamed as he tackled the angel of death to the ground.

” Get off of me you, you, you MAN! ” was heard from inside a black cape that was twisting and turning through a copse of poison ivy. The robe then went flying away to reveal the person, not spirit, inside.

” Hill, Hill, Hillary? Hillary Clinton? What are you doing walking in the woods dressed as the Grim Reaper? By the way, you have poison ivy leaves stuck in your hair “. Feeder said while composing himself to maybe, just maybe tick off a box on his Before-I-Die list and land an interview with the former First Lady. He picked out the poison from Clinton’s hair that was curiously still in perfect shape after the wrestling then asked ” Madam Secretary, would you please give me a few minutes of your time to talk about your book, ‘What Happened’? As a matter of honesty, Feeder then gave up his identity as a freelance reporter.

” Well, well, well. First you accost me then you want to make nice with me? Typical man! ” she said through clenched teeth. ” But, you did get that nasty bush out of my hair so yeah, ask away. This is NOT for public consumption! Whatever we talk about is between me and you only! You got that Beef Eater? “

” It’s Boo Feeder  ma’am. ” He corrected. ” Mrs. Clinton you have my word that this is not for everyone, I’m just curious why you wrote that book and why you feel it necessary to lay blame for your loss ” he lied. Of course he would publish his best “get” of his career. If her bevy of lawyers tried to sue him, he would reiterate Hillary’s husband’s infamous retort of ‘What is, is?’.

” You say it was the Russian’s, James Comey and the misogynistic racists on the right that handed defeat to you as a thief in the night. Do you take any responsibility for letting  Donald Trump beat you like a tired old punching bag in Gold’s Gym? “

” You stupid, stupid wang dangled human piece of ( censored )! That golden haired slob DID NOT BEAT ME! I won the popular vote Boo Jerko! Three freaking million more people wanted ME to turn the White House into a Pink Palace. You got that Freaker? ” Hillary Clinton said while wrapping herself back into the soiled black rag.

” Those three million voters were all in California. Do you believe that one state should speak for the other forty nine? The Electoral College was written to assure the nation that presidential elections were as fair as possible. Do you believe our American system is unfair? Do you want to eliminate the Electoral College? Really? “. Feeder said with a face contorted with disbelief in what he was asking the person that so wanted to be the most powerful person on the planet.

” Electrician College? What a joke! Those damned wire strippers stole my future! I could have been the ruler of the whole ( censored ) world! ME! It was supposed to be ME! I WON but look where I am and where that orange head bastard is. He’s down there in effing Florida making nicey nice with his dirty-ass-immigrant wife and I’m walking in a forest of ugly-ass trees practicing my taraweeh prayers in a dirty black sheet. Jeeze! I HATE that college that isn’t even a college! ” Mrs. Clinton finally had herself wrapped and was about to flip the rest of the cape over her head when she began flailing her hands to her head and ran away screaming like a Banchee ” POISON IVY! Holy shit! Back Fu(censored)ing bastard. You spread poison ivy all over my beautiful face! MEN! OH Allah, or whoever you are down there, strike that MAN off this planet that I, HILLARY DAMN CLINTON, should be the leader of ! “

Stunned beyond words, Boo Feeder submitted this report with no further content. We asked if he wanted to add any afterthoughts to his impromptu interview. All he could say is ” Nah, man. My hands are covered with calamine lotion and I’m a little high from the Prednisone so, no, but thanks anyway “hillary-clinton-laughing.

Written by boofeeder

September 15, 2017 at 4:34 pm

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

leave a comment »

Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 4:22 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

leave a comment »

Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 4:03 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Interview With Hillary Clinton on Donald Trump and Health Care

leave a comment »

Written by boofeeder

May 8, 2017 at 4:20 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Interview With Hillary Clinton on Donald Trump and Health Care

with one comment

Boofeeder has been busily finding the perfect person to best vocalize the Democrats point of view in regards to the new health care bill recently passed by the congress. That bill will be hardly recognizable once the senate manhandles it but that does not stop politicians and pundits alike from getting their mugs in front of the cameras in favor or to show disdain for the bill.  The one person that has recently emerged from her self imposed isolation is Hillary Clinton. She says that she speaks for the whole Party of the People as she now calls the Democrats and agreed to this exclusive interview with our very own fearless reporter, Boo Feeder.

“Mrs. Clinton, thank you so much for this opportunity to talk with you. It is my humble honor to have you tell our audience what you think about the health care bill as passed on May 4, 2017.”

Hillary, as we have been allowed to address her, scanned her eyes at the approaching crowd and said ” Oh Mr. Feeder, the honor is all mine. To clarify my position, I want everyone to know that I will not be running for president in 2018. ”

” You mean 2020 ma’?” Feeder asked with lips pursed as his question was cut short.

Before he could get out the “‘am’, she retorted with ” We’ll see won’t we ” she chuckled then finished “One never knows what will be does one?” Chuckling again.

” Okay. With that said, did you review the bill and what would you have done had you won the election? ”

” I hate Trump” Hillary said with a Cheshire grin.

” Yes, I get that a lot from the left. But, don’t you find it odd that while Obamacare is falling apart with insurers bowing out and deductibles so high that the average American cannot afford to pay anything other than the fines under your former bosses plan? ” Boo had to step back as he was asking that question as Mrs. Clinton’s Maude-like jacket was flapping him in his legs. Whatever metal object in her pocket was jabbing him like a Shun knife on the chopping block.

” I hate Trump ” she said as her eyes closed under pinched brows.

Ignoring the blood soaking through his pants, Boo Feeder continued ” 94 of 99 counties in Iowa are now without health care choices. Millions of families making less than forty thousand dollars a year are required to pay twenty five to thirty five percent of their income before Obama’s health care kicks in. Doesn’t that concern you Mrs. Secretary? ”

” I hate Trump” she echoed.

” Even members in your own party acknowledge that Obamacare needs fixing. Are you against any fixes whatsoever? “. The blood was now filling up his sock.

” I hate Trump ” Hillary Clinton said again in a higher pitched, trembling voice.

” Yes, you hate our American president, Donald Trump. We all know that. You’ve made your hate for Trump, the Russians, James Comey, Fox News and all who differ from your views  very, very clear. What, dare I ask again, would you do different? ” What the hell is in that pocket of yours? is what he wanted to ask.

” I hate Trump “. Hillary Clinton repeated then reached into her pant suit jacket pocket and pulled out a Morning Star with ‘ Trump Slayer ‘ engraved on the shaft and twirled it around Boo’s head.

Boo, now stepped back another fifteen feet, asked ” So you hate Trump, that quite obvious but who, pray tell, do you love? ”

” I love everybody! ” Hillary Clinton screamed over and over while dancing with the medieval weapon as a gymnast manipulating a hula-hoop.

Boo was impressed by her physical agility but dismayed by her steadfast opposition to anything from the right. He wanted to stop the madness spinning and cringing in front of him but knew that would be impossible. After stopping the recording, he limped his paling self to the emergency room. Boo Feeder’s wound required ten stitches but what hurt more was the complete evisceration of  empathy and common sense of the Trump haters who claim to sympathize and love everyone on the planet.

 

Written by boofeeder

May 5, 2017 at 5:19 pm