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BUT FOR A PIECE OF PAPER ALL ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE AMERICAN CITIZENS, SO SAYS STENY HOYER

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In an incredible public display of President Trump’s cognitive art of the deal meeting in the White House cabinet room, Senator Steny Hoyer ( D-Md.) announced that but for a piece of paper all illegal aliens are Americans. Some six or seven hours after that statement, Boo Feeder found Hoyer in a bar in Annapolis, Maryland. Once Feeder determined that senator Hoyer had been sufficiently liberated by liquor he asked for this interview:

I slid next to the man in his dedicated private booth at the Sailor Sam Suds Inn and Pub in Annapolis and said “Mr. Hoyer, my name is Boo Feeder and would you please expound on your remark to Donald Trump that people like Garcia Zarate are Americans except for a piece of paper?

” Who the hell are you coming in my safe place? Bob Fido? Boob Eater? Get the hell out of here! What are you, some kind of deplorable? Melinda! Get this bastard out of here!” Hoyer was clearly one drink away from rehab but he did calm down when I explained that I was a Democrat and simply wanted to clarify his intelligence to the American people on my blog site. ( Hey, if CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and  MSNBC can lie their way to more advertising dollars, so can I. ) With that, Steny Hoyer granted me a few minutes of his precious time.

” Oh, sorry Mr. Feeder. I thought you were some Fox News intern looking to make an idiot of a liberal minded, Very important man. Like that Jess Walters guy. Scumbag! What, what;s the question?” he said while throwing back a shot of Yamazaki then calling for Melinda to “Fuggit Mel, bring me the whole damn bottle” The barkeep reminded the whip that the bottle has a price tag of $140,000 but Hoyer rebuffed her with ” So what cutie pie? You know I can afford a hundred of them. And more! Bring it on! How ’bout you Fido? Wanna shot?”

I corrected the now slumbering senator that I am not a Jesse Watters wannabe and that my name is not Fido and no thanks to the whiskey that rivals the price of solid gold. To evoke a more pointed answer I asked ” how about Zarate, is he an American citizen?

” Karate? Hell yezz! If you have a black belt that’s as good as that stupid citizenship paper. You want to be an American, karate master or whatever, you are what you are. No cheap piece of paper needed!” Thank goodness the man has a chauffeur driven limousine waiting at the docks. At least he has enough sense not to drive after doing unlimited shots of fifty year old whiskey.

Needling the house whip, I got in one final dig. ” So Steny, did I tell you that I am a surgeon as well as a CPA and have a doctorate in journalism? No, I don’t have a nasty, funky old hunk of paper for any of those professions but so what? I want to be all of those things so there, voila! I can do your taxes while performing a lobotomy on you then write a best seller on your lofty life! Paper, who needs it?!”

Under the booth the good senator was snoring or sobbing, I couldn’t tell. His $140,000.00 bottle of whiskey had fallen over and was spilling its gold all over Hoyer’s diamond studded Tom Ford shoes and soaking his sleeves. I hoped, no, prayed, the Cle De Cartier watch o his wrist was waterproof.

Outside, I told his driver to be careful taking his boss home, that his flipping like a fish might catch the eye of an Anne Arundel County cop and pull his driver’s license for transporting a disorderly democrat. To that, Garcia Zarate  who was recently acquitted for the murder of Kate Steinle then found employment with Steny Hoyer said ” License? Ha! My boss says I don’t need no dumbass papers! Can’t take what I don’t got, hombre!”

Hoyer came staggering out of the bar then walked directly into the cold waters of Spa Creek. I was going to pull him out but, darn it, I don’t have a Lifesaver paper certificate. Lucky for him, Melinda dove in to pull Steny out. Holding him up, both drenched with icy water, she yelled ” Now Mister Hoyer, this is the LAST time I’m saving you! Now go get some paper and dry off!”

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Written by boofeeder

January 10, 2018 at 6:55 pm

Hillary Clinton’s New Year’s Resolution List Found Amongst The Ashes!

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hillary-clinton-old-hag-11

Boo Feeder spent a few hours in Chappaqua New York shortly after the report of a fire on the Clinton’s compound. Disguised as a Secret Service agent with a coiled wire sticking in his ear, Feeder rummaged through the rubble looking for …. well anything he could find of importance. Amidst the charcoaled laptops, computers and bleached out mother boards, Boo found a crumpled piece of GoldenStore stationary. At $14,000 for one sheet of paper the opulence was stifling considered it was her “charity” that most probably paid for it in 100’s of reams at a time. How the paper escaped the fire was almost as much a mystery as what she had jotted down on it.

Without further ado, this is what our fearless inmate at Westchester County jail managed to slip by the correction’s officer in our first, and last, visit to him. FYI – if you’re thinking about putting a coiled plastic coated wire in your ear to be a federal agent snooping the site of a former president, Do Not Do It! It’s a Really Bad idea! Your help with bail money would be greatly appreciated.

What the hell I’m going to do in 2018!

  • Get a new iPhone, give Humma my old one after its wiped with our beach towel
  • Lose 200 pounds
  • Ask George to fund the impeach orange ass campaign
  • Make Humma Humma learn mexicano languish
  • Tell Nancy to put me in the WH or I’ll tell MSNBC all about her and Chucky baby
  • Lose another 200 lbs
  • If Nancy dont do what I command, tell Humma baby to get the ball rolling
  • Shut down Vanity Ass Fair and SNL if they don’t get their shit together
  • Get it together! Humma Humma Humma HumA!!!
  • Poll for first lesbian couple in the white house. If neg, tell Huma to find me another fake ass husband or make up another rant on how womens are being dissed.
  • Go to Michigan this time!
  • Lose 200 pounds or whatever that Bookie guy weighs – hey that’s 3 B’s going down! Bingo baby!

The remaining shreds of the paper had three X’d out B’s, for whatever that means. Bill, Bernie and Booker??? One can only guess how the mind of a madman woman works. 

While you’re pondering that, I’m going back to Westchester County jail to check on our friend. Poor Boo does not look good in orange!

Written by boofeeder

January 5, 2018 at 1:34 am

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM NANCY PELOSI – That is if you live that long!

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I, Boo Feeder, caught up with the undisputed world champion of hate speech and forecaster of doom and gloom at the Capital Diner in Potomac, Maryland. Nancy Pelosi was seated at the booth behind me, all alone and crying in her Sprite. She took the hanky I offered her and agreed to give me a piece of her “most valuable” time until her date arrived.

FYI, despite informing the owner, Mohammed Mattu, the errant spelling of Capitol, he said “I do English! You smell it way, I smell it mine. I am English!”. Catching a burger at the diner in one of the richest zip codes in the USA proved fruitful for my reporting lately. The wealthiest one percent keep a mansion here and, just to prove that they are “one of us”, they dine at the Capital Diner where burgers and Harira are served in abundance. It was the Musso and Frank Grill of the east. The food was average at best but the chance to interview the celebrity rich was enough for me to stomach a tofu burger.

To Ms. Pelosi I asked her opinion on the recently signed tax cuts bill and got a mouthful. In short, this was her answer:

“Taxes are for the poor! You cut taxes and it’s worser that cutting the backs of slaves back when the Republicans ruled America! You check that out Boo boy. It was those nasty, bigoted, slave owning Republicans that whipped all the poor blackies in the last century. My Gawwd boy! Now they’re cutting taxes on those poor people. No taxes means no more welfare, no more medicaid or medicare, no more money for schools. No more money for basketballs for pity sake! Them and ALL of us are going to die ’cause of what the golden haired, women hating, Jew hating, black hating bastard is doing to this country! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! Merry Effing Christmas if you live that long!” At that she reached in her pocketbook, pulled out a miniature bottle and emptied it into her drink. Once gulping down the rest of her Sprite, Nancy Pelosi screamed again the death to Americans rant to which the diner’s owner applauded vigorously.

I explained to her that, one:  it was the Democrats two centuries ago that enslaved the peoples from Africa and it took Republicans to end slavery and two; tax cuts will benefit the middle and lower class, not hurt or kill them. Corporations will have more money to hire more people and give raises to their hard workers. Only the regulars of Potomac’s restaurants will pay more taxes and that hurts so bad that the likes of Nancy Pelosi will shout out lies to their followers and three; I never got to the third fact that health care for the poor will not be affected in any fashion because of what Pelosi did next. The thought of reminding her that it was the Democrats that founded the KKK but knew that was a fruitless waste of words. Democrats today never acknowledge their parties history as if their criminal bigotry that planted burning crosses and lynchings never existed. The thought that a hand pointing one finger at someone else has four fingers pointing back at the accuser came to me but was quickly dismissed. Why waste energy and words on a drunken women half sitting, half laying in a diner’s booth? 

When her date, Chuck Schumer, came through the glass door that was adorned with snow glitter decorations of a wreath, a menorah and the cover of the Koran, Ms. Pelosi cried out “CHUCKIE! Save me Chuck, save me! This guy here, this Boob Eater jerk is trying to kill me! He’s telling the whole crowd here that the tax cuts bill is GOOD for God and Allah’s  sake!” Being sure she was PC for everyone in the diner, she rolled her eyes at me then said “God, Allah, the Sun or whatever you pray to, and to you that think praying is a stupid rite of the right, DON’T listen to this asshole! Tax cuts will kill us! You are all going to DIE! Chuckie, you tell them dear. Tell them the world is going to end if we don’t dump Trump. Resist, resist, RESISSSST!”

At that last “Resist”, Nancy Pelosi dropped her glass of vodka soda then fell on the floor in an attempt to pick it up. Laying in a sodden heap, she begged Chuck Schumer to help her up but instead, he walked out the door saying “Sorry Nan. I have a meeting with George in five minutes. Gotta go!”

I offered my hand to Pelosi but she was fast asleep on the white, black, green and red tiled floor. I wished her and all the patrons a merry Christmas then left to see who “George” was although I had a pretty good idea. Mohammed and most of the diners replied with a raised middle finger. Oh well, I tried.

To you, my devoted readers, I say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

FYI – if you need a break from all this political discourse, please read. A Christmas Valentine No politics, just a nice story that will touch all of us that have lost a loved one this time of year, or any other time of year.

THANK YOU!

Written by boofeeder

December 22, 2017 at 7:32 pm

PRESIDENT TRUMP TO BE IMPEACHED!! ALTBTL

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Story Submitted by Boo Feeder, Dec. 5, 2017

 

My plasma began to boil. Wafts of vile hatred simmered and smoked throughout the room. The putrid odor of unadulterated anger, hypocrisy and bigotry stole the oxygen from the air making life an impossible illusion. I had to get out before my head exploded. Or, easier yet, I had to switch the channel. MSNBC and their mob of maniacs had gone over the top months ago. They have infected the media’s sewer system and my plasma TV with such outrageous lies that I have no choice but to sack my humorous banter for a few minutes to tell the truth. So help me God.

“President Trump to be impeached!” was being reported as fact after an ABC reporter declared that Michael Flynn was going to flip to confirm Trump’s collusion with Russia. Only after Joy Behar, Rachael Maddow and their corrupt cronies danced with delight over the news did ABC finally admit it was all a lie. ALTBTL. Another Lie Told By The Left.

Facts by fantasy has so impugned honest journalism that I must do my part to deliver reality to those that haven’t the ability to decipher fact from fiction or apply common sense to every day situations.

“The tax cuts will cut off spending on cancer treatment”. Believe it or not, there are people that actually believe that to be true. They believe it because their manipulators tell them so but, of course, that is as far from the truth as earth is from Pluto. Nobody elected to congress whether DNC or GOP is going to cut the throats of their most active constitutions, the over 50 club.

“Donald Trump hates Jews, Women and immigrants”. Really? His daughter, son-in-law and their children, Donald’s grandchildren, are, news flash,  Jewish! Do the Mika Brzezinski’s of the world think he hates them or the faith they follow? Really? And immigrants. His wife, our First Lady, is an immigrant! The controversy is over those that cross the border illegally. The vast majority, Trump agrees, are good, hard working people. It’s the criminals that come over that are at issue. If you were the parent of a child that was killed by a drunk driver that had prior victims south of the border, you might have second thoughts. Letting people in with open arms without checking their records is insane! How can anyone with any humanitarian values disagree with that? Safety, I would hope, would be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when deciding the immigration issue.

“Donald Trump and Judge Roy Moore are sexual deviants”. Words are dangerous to be sure but they are words, not physical objects. What Trump said in a locker room is disgusting but if every man that bragged to another man what he’s done with a woman was a criminal offense, there would be more jails than houses in the USA. Male braggadocio is as old as Neanderthal’s painting their imagined conquests on the walls of caves. Ain’t pretty but it’s totally harmless.

The allegations against Judge Moore are just that, allegations with no proof. In forty years not one woman complained about Moore’s behavior. Only a couple months before an election the Democrat’s deem to be on the hinge of the party’s existence did these women come crawling out of nowhere. That, per any iota of common sense, should be cause for great suspicion.

What is most upsetting to any human being who has even a hint of compassion is the total disregard for the confirmed sexual predators from the left side of the aisle. Bill Clinton had sex with a barely legal girl in the Oval Office and was caught lying about it over and over but the so-called “champions or women;s rights” in the Democrat party go silent as a rock.  Senator Al Franken’s deviant behavior is well documented with photographs yet only now is the left calling for his removal.  Polling is what drives the liberals, not morality. The majority of Americans that were polled by the DNC showed an inconsequential attitude. They didn’t care that Clinton had sex with a young girl in the oval office so the media and the Democrat party let the pervert flag fly. Today, however, there is anger over the sexual misconduct of John Conyers and Al Franken et al, so they follow the polls and demand them to resign. The hypocrisy couldn’t be more evident within the liberals of this great country but the sheep either don’t care or are too enamored by their esteemed leaders to know their own hearts.

“Trump colluded with Russia!”. That lie began with Hillary Clinton’s refusal to accept reality and has festered to every branch of the Democrat’s army of manipulators. There is hardly an hour on CNN, NBC or MSNBC that their hosts don’t follow the puppet masters that give them talking points to insist Trump and Putin fixed the election. Their damning rhetoric is costing Americans millions of dollars via special councils that we have now learned have liberal biased investigators who have skewed reports and leaks to show collusion. The actual fact is that there was and is collusion in DC but it is in between the FBI and Obama’s Department of Justice. They are the ones that did not investigate Hillary Clinton’s emails that violated federal laws nor the possibility of a private Uranium One deal that put millions into the coffers of the Clinton Foundation that keeps ninety six cents of every dollar “donated” to cover “overhead” costs.

The list of lies and deliberate bias in the media and even in the FBI, for God’s sake, is nearly endless. But, all this talk without one single laugh line is exhausting! I, your devoted Boo Feeder, will be back soon with a Much lighter take on the events that shape our lives.

Bye for now!

 

 

Written by boofeeder

December 6, 2017 at 12:29 am

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE WASHINGTON POST ON JUDGE ROY MOORE

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Our fearless reporter, Boo Feeder, found himself in the belly of the beast this morning on a hunch that The Washington Post was at it again. Boo knows the smell of a rat and that stench was about to knock him over when the door opened to the men’s room. It wasn’t lingering gas from the bowels of the newspaper that violated Feeder’s olfactory, it was the presence of the company itself squeezing its way into the tiled and teak rest room then ran into stall number thirteen. Boo took advantage of the situation to ask The Post some questions about its’ most recent slanderous goings on.

” Post? Can you tell me the source of your claims again Judge Roy Moore? How did you confirm those four decades old allegations?”

“Times? That you?” Came the bellowing voice of Post from the stall reserved for the handicapped. “Times, you SOB! Come in here asking stupid-ass questions like that. Confirm schmofirm! You’re just pissed that we got the scoop. Go back to southeast where you come from, loser!” With that a loud RiiiiiiiiP! belched out followed by a funk from the pits of hell.

Holding my nostrils tight together, I replied “No. This is not The Washington Times. I am Boo Feeder and I was just wondering how you were able to verify the stories you printed alleging Judge Roy Moore had relations with underage girls nearly forty years ago. You certainly double and triple checked facts. I’m wondering how you were able to do that when there were no police reports found to back up the stories.”

“Rachel? That you girl? Oh, sheeee-it no! You that Boo Feeder freefrickinlancer with the cat? Yeah! I know you. Dang, I thought you was a guy! Hey! That thing you wrote on Donna Brazile was damn good. Funny shit that!” This was followed by another Riiiiiiiippppppppp!

Oh good Lord, what am I doing here? To exit the sewage pit, I got right to the point. ” I am most definitely a guy, Post.  Holding my nose shut makes  me sound like Rachel Mad…” Why waste time with that? I continued with “you claimed that Judge Moore had inappropriate relations with four girls thirty eight years ago. I personally checked on those accusers and, to no surprise, one was a former employee of Hillary Clinton and the others have an unquestioned loyalty to the Democrat party. To further muddy their reputations, all four of their finances have improved drastically in the past couple months. New cars, new homes, vacations to Hawaii. It’s as if they all hit the lottery! And in a way, they did, didn’t they Post? Before you answer, I remember a story by your own Bob Woodward that laid claim that local contractors were all colluding to raise bids and to keep outsiders away. When it was learned that the Post was basing the story on one very incompetent man who was mad because he felt entitled to get the work without bidding, the Post never retracted. Nope. The Post led a grand jury on a fairy dust trail until time took away the public’s interest and millions of their dollars. That’s just one example of how the Post has printed fake news to fit their agenda. There are plenty more, dear Post!”

“Big freaking deal! So what? You know how many papers we sell when we make up the news? And advertising! General Electric, Starbucks, Democrat candidates and the list goes on! When a blockbuster headline comes knocking on the door, why lose time verifying it? You just don’t get it do you Feeler? That’s why you’ll never be a”  then a roll of toilet paper came unraveling under the stall’s door. ” Hey Rachel! Kick that back in here, will ya? Come on girl! I got to clean up this mess on me! Damn! GET WITH IT BITCH! The paper, the paper. NOW!”

“Post, why don’t you use your newspaper? There’s no difference between used toilet paper and The Post. Besides, think of all the ads you can print on your filthy ass? I’m sure Northam, Schumer, Pelosi, Clintons and Soros will be happy to cover you with dollar bills to clean up with!” I said with a sarcasm not to be proud of.

Post came storming out of stall bare assed and stinking to low hells. Grabbing for the toilet paper that I “accidentally” kicked out into the hallway, Post fell down and rolled into a throng of onlookers. They gasped in horror as their beloved media giant laid naked in its own waste. One gray haired man said “Oh boy. The old SOB might be down for the count.”

One can only hope.

Written by boofeeder

November 11, 2017 at 3:37 pm

DONNA BRAZILE STEPS ON HILLARY CLINTON THEN TELLS HER TO GO TO HELL!

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Donna Brazile, a long time Democratic strategist and mouthpiece for everything liberal, has stepped all over her former hero, Hillary Clinton. In her book, Hacks, the 57 year old woman who has been described as “openly lesbian”, laid the equivalent of tar and feathers over the former Secretary of State for rigging the 2016 presidential election. In her book, Ms. Brazile exposed the failures in the DNC that made Donald Trump the 45th president of the United States. To a point, Brazile outed Clinton as the one who rigged the nomination in a way that she, and only she, would be the Democrat Party nominee then go on to a certain victory in November 2016.

We all know how that went.

Lucky for his fans and followers, Boo Feeder was walking past a Starbucks when he saw Donna Brazile at a table. She was there for a book signing with stacks of Hacks but no customers so Boo bolted in to seize the opportunity.

” Miss Brazile! Hope you don’t mind if I ask a couple questions this morning. ” I screeched one of those noisy metal chairs over to her table and sat down before she could say no.

” Who the hell you? Where is my book you want signed? What you want to ask me boy? ” She  said while spitting her latte in my eye.

” My name is Boo Feeder. I am a freelance reporter with tens of thous.., er, tens of followers and we all want to know how Hillary Clinton managed to fix the primaries “.

” Lookit here Feeder, I never said Hillary rigged or fixed the damn election! It was the Russians! You take that down real easy boy and you take it down right. I did not get it on with Hillary! She met me before the debate and I talked to her, that’s mighty damn right. Sure, I handed her the question list. So what, white boy? That is my freaking job! Then that damn Wackoff Leaks got my emails. Now that ain’t right! All I got out of all my work for the Democrat Party was fired and a kiss on the cheek from Hillary Damn Clinton! A peck on the cheek! Like I was expecting a little more, right? Maybe a hug? A kiss on the lips? Maybe cop a feel of my big, ample breasts? A peck on the cheek? Damn! I said right there that That’s It! I’m going to put Joe Boy Biden in her place. That dirty bee-atch! Biden says No! Not in this lifetime! He’s afraid of the Clinton’s, especially that Hillary. He says Donna? You know what happens to people that go against her? They have sudden heart attacks! Weird ass accidents! They die Donna! Shit, he’s right. I know for sure! So I write this book you want signed. I got bank for that from you know who! I take it all back though, right? Hillary didn’t “

The woman sitting across from me has lodged so much mocha latte into my eyes by now that I couldn’t bear to hear any more of her slabbering. ” Miss Brazile. Excuse me ma’am. All that is in your book. What I want to know is this, are you going to support Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in 2020? “

” Is you out your ever racist mind Feeder? I  got my own pick for 2020 and it is Not none of them two losers! No! What we need here is hope and change! What we need here is somebody who has Never been in politics in her whole life. Someone to take on that gold-ass bigot and toss his fat ass out on the sidewalks of New York where he Nevah! shoulda left. No sir! We, I mean I, am going to make us a new president! One who knows blacks have been sitting in the back of the bus too damn long. And women! We need representing! Boy, we, I mean I, am going to make her the next president of the United States! “

With that she pointed to a laminated card on her key ring. In the middle of the lamination, surrounded by hearts and roses was the image of a woman that was further smudged with lipstick kisses. I  had an idea who her idol was but had to ask.

” Why that is the next POTUS you poor white man! That there is MO! Oh my word, is she she going to straighten you and every other white-ass honky cracker out like chickens on a string! ” At that she pulled a picture of Hillary Clinton out of her bra, threw it on the floor, jumped out of her chair stepping all over Hillary and spinning around the coffee shop chanting ” GO TO HELL HILLARY! WE, I MEAN I, WANT EM-OH, EM-OH, MO TWO OH!”

The Starbuck’s baristas joined the merriment singing ” MO, MO, Mocha Ole! Mocha Ole! We love our mocha ol”. That’s when Donna Brazile threw her chair at the unfortunate singing duo. She screamed ” What the hell you white people know about mocha brown anything? I don’t care about your stupid coffee. Shit, I got better coffee at the Piggly Damn Wiggly! Mocha Ole, what kind of crazy cracker shit it that? I was talking about the one and only EM OH! And she is going to run this whole damn world like it should be done! M-O, MO, MO TWO OH! “

The chanting and throwing of chairs continued until every table, every window, every person in the little store went crashing to the sidewalk outside. I knew at that instant just who her leader was, who Brazile planned on propping up for the 2020 election and I began to shiver. The only hope for all of us is that there will be full exposure on the rigging investigation and the real Russian story.  That the Clinton’s and Obama’s will be exposed and  MO will never be president of the United States.

Written by boofeeder

November 5, 2017 at 7:02 pm

IMPROMPTU EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH REP. FREDERICA WILSON (D) FLORIDA

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Frederica

While on vacation in Key Largo, Boo Feeder had an impromptu meeting with Florida congresswoman Frederica Wilson. Both were waiting for a table at Snapper’s when Feeder took advantage of the situation. What follows is his account of the bizarre happenstance.

October 20, 2017: While taking in the spectacular oceanfront views, my eyes were quickly averted to a flashing ten gallon cowboy hat bobbing in my peripheral vision. Oh my God! Is that Frederica Wilson under that hat? Yes! I jumped off the bar stool then accidentally on purpose bumped into her.

” Mrs. Wilson? How honored it is to meet with you! Can I ask you a couple quick questions while we wait for our tables?”

” Who is you? You know my name but I don’t know yours. What you want to axed? Hurry boy! Us rock stars don’t get much time between gigs. Quickly! ” she said while readjusting her rhinestone and lights encrusted hat.  Above the rim ‘Rock Star Baby!’ was blinking at the pace of 1970’s disco light.

Finding it difficult to keep from laughing, I bit my lip and got right to the point. “My name is Boo Feeder, ma’am.  You say you were with Mrs. Johnson when President Trump called. How long have you been friends with her and did you know her son, La David Johnson who made the ultimate sacrifice while on a mission in Niger?”

“Listen up Bob. I been friends with La Meesha Johnstown since I was principal at Skyward School. Her son was a pupil of mine. I know him like that! Me, Mishu and Davey was close, you know?” She touched the brim of her hat and like that! the message changed to ‘RESIST!’ then continued ” Donald Trumpet, he calls her, right? I’m sitting in the car minding my own business when I heard that cracker say “Mrs. Jackson, I’m calling for your boy who got hisself kilt. You knows that, right? Yep. Down there in Africa he went and got put out of action. Forever! I’m just call…”.

That’s when I had to interrupt her lying at the expense of a fallen hero. “Frederica Wilson, you know none of that is true. The Gold Star mother’s name is Myeshia Johnson, not any of the names you gave her. And, her son was never a pupil in your school that you also, strangely misnamed. It was Skyway Elementary and La David Johnson wasn’t even born when you left to work on the school board. By the way, my name is Boo, not Bob.” I wanted to excoriate her for politicizing the death of a soldier but held my breath. It was clear this woman has a loose grip on reality at best.

Wilson’s hat was now not only flashing ‘Wilson For President 2020!’ but it also had Isaac Hayes’ song ‘Theme From Shaft’ vibrating the hidden speakers in the brim of her over sized, over the top,  Stetson.

“Okay Bucky. So what? You happy with yourself picking on a poor black woman? I’m 74, soon to be 75 years old and look at me! My husband can’t even keep his hands off me. And Mashika? She got nothing to do with how that Trumper bossman talks about us poor, black people. Why,  I ain’t even got two million dollars yet! You feel me? You’d like to I bet! Maybe I wasn’t Exactly WITH Mrs. Johnston when that white bigot bastard called her but I could have been! Just the day before  I handed her that envelope from the greatest, number one president of all time, Barack Obama. He was the first black man child president and in 2020 I’m going to be the first black woman president! Even sooner if everything goes as planned! Imagine that Booker! ME! President Rock Star!”

With that Frederica Wilson wiggled and danced her way to table number one. ‘Shaft’ was blasting, her hat was sparkling and her entourage surrounded her with arms folded. One was giving me the evil eye but I paid no attention. It was going on eight p.m. and I was starvingly awaiting a table that would never come.

A server slipped me a note telling me that due to unmentionable circumstances, I was not going to be getting a table. Ever! Seems that when I reminded Rep. Wilson that her husband passed away nearly thirty years ago thus catching her in yet another fabrication, she passed a message on to the owner just ten seconds after we parted. It read “don’t you seat that white racist pig over there with wire rimmed glasses and a blue shirt made by slaves in Mozambique. Sonofabitches name is Big Fubar and if in I ever see him in here again I tell ALL my peeps not to pay you no never mind. And you knows I got a LOT of people!”

So I’m sitting here eating a chili dog from Tom Thumb thinking about what just occurred. As a clown in a Barnum and Bailey tent, Wilson would have been a star act, maybe even a Rock Star. But, as a member of congress that has the power to alter our lives forever, she is one scary cowgirl!

 

 

Written by boofeeder

October 20, 2017 at 5:55 pm