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NANCY PELOSI CALLS FOR UNITY – OR WHAT

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pelosi

In an exclusive interview with our Boo Feeder, Nancy Pelosi made some interesting observations that we are still trying to unravel. Read the question and answer session to form you own opinion. She was about to enter the Washington National’s stadium to watch the 108th annual Congressional Baseball Game when Feeder caught her in the elevator.

“Mrs. Pelosi, my name is Boo Feeder. Can I ask you a few questions before the game begins?”

“Feeder? Oh why yes of course! Your name ends in a vowel right? I always feel a special connection to our Italian – American heritage! ” She said while flailing her hands inside the tight space of an elevator.

Amazed that Mrs. Pelosi thinks an “r” is a vowel, Boo Feeder smiled then took advantage of the opportunity and continued the interview with ” Mrs. Pelosi, you called for Donald Trump to be impeached on Monday then one day later after the shooting of Steve Scalise said that you pray for Trump to have a successful presidency. Which one is it ma’am?”

“Young man! Why are we not moving? I pushed that button thingy for the penthouse suite and we haven’t left the first freaking floor!” She swung her arms so hard that her right hand hit Boo Feeder in the nose causing his delicate olfactory to spill blood all over his shirt. ” Hey pie-san you’re going to get blood on my Prada purse! You dumb wop! Get me out of here!” This time it was her left hand that she slung into his eye. “And hey pretty boy. What’s your name? Guido? Guido push that god damned button again. The one that has ML on it. Mi Lacasa! My home! Get me there goom-bah!”

Seeing no point to tell her ML was for the Mezzanine Level not whatever this crazy woman who’s now given him a black eye to match his broken nose, Boo went on ” Do you agree that the hateful, violent actions on the left such as mock beheadings and assassinations have ginned up the more mentally unstable citizens like the man who set out to massacre republicans?”

The elevator stopped then Pelosi stormed out screaming ” Where’s my people? Where the hell is my goddamned aide? Antonio, where are you sweetheart?” she kept yelling to crowds of people who kept clear of a woman who would have been best served with a straight-jacket than a Prada handbag.

Feeder, running after her with one hand squeezing his nose and covering his eye with the other looked just as insane as his prey. Then, lucky for him, someone on Pelosi’s staff swept her into a corporate box where he continued the conversation.

“Mrs. Pelosi, please can you tell me whether you blame the pundits, politicians and media for dividing the USA with acts of violence and what can you do to stop the madness?”

“Here boy, use this napkin on your nose. It’s disgusting!” She handed Feeder a Kotex she’d kept in her purse in remembrance  of happier days then said “Blame? Oh no, I don’t blame my dear friends Ratchet Madcowe, Dan Crathers or Katy Griffing or anybody. We have to get it on! You know what I’m saying pie-sang? How dare they be so sanctimonkeyous! C’mon Boosh, we got’s business to take care of!” She slurred out then rolled her head backwards demanding someone walking by the opened door “Boy! Get me a damned drink! Vodka on the rocks but not the Russian kind. Leave that for Donald Trump. He drinks Russian vodka you know. I think he should..” Pelosi stopped mid sentence to stand up and run out on to the walkway screaming ” Did you hear that? Some guy on the loudspeaker said ” Sherman shot a bullet down first base line!” then screamed “GET OUTA THIS GOD FORSAKING PLACE! The freaking ass tanks are coming for us with weaponage! ”

Boo Feeder let he go, trying to interview a sober Nancy Pelosi was hard enough. Making sense of Pelosi after she’s had one or seven too many was a task only MSNBC would partake in. He went to the nearest Quick Care to have his injuries patched up then drove home breathing through his mouth and negotiating 495 with one eye, a task almost as dangerous as an interview with Nancy Pelosi.

 

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Written by boofeeder

June 16, 2017 at 5:00 pm

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

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Boofeeder recently applied to MSNBC for the host position vacated by Corrine Brown ( D-Fla) who was to be filling in for Rev. Al Sharpton while he goes on leave for a sex reassignment operation. Whether his or not is not known at this writing. Nevertheless, ex-congresswoman Brown will be away serving time, er … visiting her constituents at Allenwood Federal Prison for the next dozen or so years. The job opportunity comes at a time when Boofeeder would welcome the extra income to support his ailing cat, Boo.

Following is a copy of the application:

Name: Boofeeder

Sex ( if decided ): Male

Age ( you may use a Common Core calculator ): 64 – (12 moons x’s 2 polar bears x’s 3 icebergs ) + 3 fingers = 29 years old.

How many times can you repeat “Russia” in sixty seconds? 179

Which syllable in “impeachment” is emfasized? :  Emphasized? That would be on IM-peach-ment

How many eye rolls can you do when the name “Trump” is menshunnned?  Mentioned? As many as it takes to get the job

Are you able to shout “Trump Loves Putin!” without spitting?  Yes, maybe.

Trump is in Israel now. Give a brief example of how you would begin your report if you were there: Here we are with Trump in Israel which is only 1600 miles from Moscow. That’s less than three hours away from Russia, plenty of time to collude with Putin on how to fix more elections. Russia, Russia, Russia! IMpeach Trump! Russia, Russia. Too damn close to Russia!

Does Miladia Trump speak Russian?  Melania? Of course! ALL Trumps speak Russian. They are Russia’s best friends!

How Much Do You Hate Trump? RUSSSSSSSSIA!!!!!!!

May 22, 2017 Update:

Boofeeder was turned down for the following reasons per an email received this morning that reads in part:

Mr. Ms. or Wz.  Boofeeder, We are happy to inform you that you will not be working for us. You are clearly too enamored with Trump to fill the chair in our esteemed studio. For one, spelling is Not to be korrected. Words cannot be put in a box, they must be free to be themselves whatever that is. Also, 179 times is all you can manage to say Russia in one minute? Our hosts and guests top our minimum requirement of 225 Russias/Minute. Also, we know you are a liar! 2 polar bears times 12 moons? Really? Everyone knows there will be no more polar bears in 12 moons! Study up on Global Warming and speeding up your Russia spewing skills then get back to us. But! Be quick be cause imPEACHment will be sooner than you thing.

So much for that! Looks like Boofeeder will be selling his watch collection to pay the veterinarian.

Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 3:58 pm

The Donald Has Trump-ed The GOP, America and the Media!

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The GOP’s elite establishment were so afraid of Donlad Trump going off the rails that they pushed him to sign the equal of a Do Not Compete clause. If Trump wasn’t nominated as the GOP’s candidate for president he promised not to run as a third party candidate. He signed it, no problem. There it is in black and white, the Grand Old Party has bushwhacked The Donald! Not even in a bizzaro world would a circus barker be elected to anything other than maybe mayor of East Haven, Vermont. He’d been had by the best in the business of politics. Put that in your pipe and choke on it Mr. Trumpster!

Ahhh, the best laid plans….and all other pertinent cliché’s have made writing this blog oh too easy. It is Trump who has the last laugh…and all other perti….you get it. He beat them all.

What the GOP establishment didn’t get and likely never will due to a collective ego as expansive as the Milky Way, is that Donald Trump had them hoodwinked. He signed that promissory note to not run as a third party because he IS the third party! He has never been a Republican or a Democrat, he has been and always will be the DMP ( Deal Makers Party ). Trump is possibly the best marketer and self promoter of all time. Strike that. He IS the best!

What we need to question is not whether Trump is a Republican but can he lead the country as a big business rather than as a bureaucracy. It would certainly be nice to have efficiency in big government. One person doing the job as one person rather than twenty people half doing the job of one would be fabulous. A president that knows the value of picking the right person to run a department would be so welcome after the past seven years of accumulating incompetency.

Is Trump the one to build a wall in one half of the country while tearing them down in the other half? Can one person do that will the exigency needed? We’ll soon find out because I, for one, believe that Trump is inevitably the one and only person to compete against Hillary Clinton. This country could not endure another four years of lies, deceit and incompetency.

Written by boofeeder

March 1, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Interview With Attack Shark in North Carolina’s Outer Banks

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Hey. My name is Tooth Tuttle. Been a head boat captain here in Hatteras since before you was a pimple in the pool. Don’t much like talking to y’all with sand in the brain but it’s time somebody spoke up for the sharks out there. You see all that water? Wave after wave shimmering deeper than a humpback in heat. More daggone sharks out there than you got boots in Texas. I been knowing them good. Better than some high falutin college kid with a deegree in socialized seamanship. Thinking they know it all ’bout my friends. Hogwash! That’s right, I said ‘friends’. I been talking with sharks of every color, so to speak, since, well, for a long dang time. Now that they are getting more attention since that fake-ass movie, it’s time y’all knew the truth.

I’m here on the dock with Elsie, a 12 year old Bull that was with his buddies when they shooed them humans out of their house. I’ll do the interpreting since none of youse can read shark lips.

Hi Elsie. Try and stay still my friend. The people out there want to know what has you guys all riled up.

“Us? Riled? Man, you know what this piece of God’s little lake used to be like? Rolling hills of sea splashing along a bare shore. Not a two legged creature in sight. No cars, so ugly signs, no put together hunks of wood stretched out to our wading pools. No nothing but Heavenly Glory to swim and make love in. It was the Pool Of Eden! And we we were happy with each other. Even the mullets had a smile on their gills when we ate them.”

And now? What’s different, as if I don’t know.

“Now? Are you serious? Boats passing over tossing cans, plastics,  black goo and God knows what into our living rooms. How would you like it? We talk with the dolphins and the things they see! What are you creatures trying to do? Spoil all the oceans with stuff you don’t want? Guess what Tooth, if you don’t want it, neither do we! Why, have you seen what’s under those white caps out there? Rusted steel! You sink your boats to let germs live off the rust then infect and kill our young. Empty tanks, empty cans, empty lives polluting our home. And it only gets worse. My daddy told me that 35 – 40 years ago, there was hardly a soul on these beaches. And the ones that did come, had respect for our homes. But now! You dig up the sand with your cars, leave oil and trash on our beaches to ebb back into our dining room. And you keep on coming! More and more every year. Taking away the beauty one sign after another house after every car. It’s madness I tell you!”

But, Elsie, ripping the limbs off our children don’t do much for your cause. People are afraid Elsie and that’s not good, is it?

“Listen up. We are as discriminating as alcoholism. Anyone is fair game! Sure, I don’t like to see your young folk get hurt but guess what? Their pain will pass but the fear will last forever. The more you two legged, air breathing creatures from the black lagoon are scared, the further you’ll stay away from the deep blue sea. If I came unwanted into your house would you shoot me or let me rob your house of every tuna fish can in the cupboard? You’d shoot me! Or at least you’d want to. And I wouldn’t blame you! You, that is most of you, are as stupid as you are ugly. People can take guns from each other but, brother I tell you, we sharks are not pulling the teeth out of ourselves! We will be armed and use our weapons whenever we are threatened. People can cave into criminals but we won’t cave into people!”

Now, Elsie, that’s quite pro found. Maybe we all can learn a little something from you. By the way, do you know anything about politics here on land?

“Do I! Why, in two weeks I will be announcing my run for president. You all get mealy mouth  do nothings puffing their gills for what? Change of what? You all make my teeth hurt. It’s time for a Real change! It’s time to put a REAL shark in the White Poolhouse! Bring it on Donal Trump! I’m coming after you son, son!”

BARACK OBAMA PLAYS GOLF WITH RUSH LIMBAUGH’S BALLS!

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rushball

Shortly after feinting sorrow over the horrendous murder of an American journalist, our fearless reporter went undercover as Barack Obama’s caddy in a Martha’s Vineyard private golf course. He had only a few minutes to disguise himself before President Obama frolicked from a makeshift podium to the first tee but, to our delight, he pulled it off. Here is Boofeeder’s own John Q. Public’s report:

At hole number one, Mr. Obama twisted and bent to the rapping of N.W.A.. Moments after “Damn, that shit was dope”, Obama threw a fist in the air then turned to me to say ” Ah, boy! Ah, toss me one my, ah, balls. Feeling dope today! Give me Rush Limbaugh’s ball out of the sac. C’mon boy! It’s going to be a good damn day!”

I reached in the side pocket of his golf bag that was decorated with a profile of Obama at the Arc De Triomphe and a presidential seal below his shoulders. There were dozens of balls with photo’s printed on them. Glenn Beck, John Boehner, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly slipped through my hands before I found Rush’s face.

“Damn boy! Give me that Limbaugh ball toot freakin sweet! I’m gonna smack the snot out of that cracker! Ah, you going to have to pick up the pace boy. I’ll be lucky to get in eighteen before some knucklehead interrupts me with another damn news piece I don’t give a rat’s ass about. Boy! I said now!” He demanded.

I handed him the ball and a request ” Mr. Obama? I respectfully ask that you not refer to me as ‘boy’. I’m a man. Served in Iraq and Afghanistan and now a police officer in Boston. Being your caddy today was an honor I proudly volunteered for and graciously accepted. I am not a ‘boy’. My name is John.” Mixing in fact with fiction made me feel like a politician but as they say ‘when in Rome…’.

“Ahh. You think ‘boy’ is offensive? Listen here boy, it’s only degrading when a white honky calls you that. But, ah, from one black man to another, ‘boy’ is a ‘nom de noir’. Nom de Noir! Just made that up, boy! You like…” As Obama was slapping himself on the back while bending over to put Limbaugh’s ball on the tee, his Blackberry jingled to an old gansta rap rhyme by Ice-T.

“Ah, yessir. Yessir. I know that sir. But..” he said in a lower voice as he kicked Limbaugh off the perch then continued ” Sir? Eric said it was okay. He said he got it from you that I should keep it cool and play golf today. Oh, you didn’t? What’s that George? Ah, yeah. I know. Yep, I did call him ‘Jim’ not James, but that’s what Eric…yessir. Good bye Mr. Soros. I’ll clean it up right after this vacation. Bye”. With that Obama teed up the ball with Rush Limbaugh facing directly at the club head and gave it a hard whack. “Take that El Honky!” he shouted.

The ball flew out about one hundred yards then took a nasty slice to the left and splashed into a creek. We got into the golf cart personalized with the presidential seal painted on the front, back and roof. I drove up to where the ball went out of bounds but Obama told me to move on up another fifty yards. He demanded another Rush ball and, after two mishits, landed the golf ball into a sand trap bordering the perfectly manicured green. The president walked past the trap and ordered me to toss him another ball “Ah, let’s have Nancy Pelosi boy. And, ah, hand me that putter with the rubber front. Can’t hurt Nancy! Always use a rubber when you spanking a woman like that, boy! Yep, put her lips on my balls, I did. Used one of those photo engraving machines in my spare time. You know, ah, when the folks in the cracker house get busy with writing talking points for me and my minions. Chris Matthews and all them at MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS all get told what to say so what else am I to, ah, do? I asked George if it was okay if I took up a hobby and he said ‘Balack, why don’t you go in the basement and play with your balls?’ And so I did! Started out pasting pictures on my balls then Michelle said ‘Brack! Get with it man. There’s a machine for stamping your balls. Use it or I’ll stamp on your balls myself!  Josh will bring one down to you. You stay put Brack. When George says it’s okay, I’ll come get you and your balls my damn self. You got that?’

The president laughed at the innuendo’s then tapped Nancy Pelosi on her inflated lips. The ball came up short of the hole but Obama picked it up and said to me “Ah, I’ll take a three on that boy. Birdied the first hole! That’s the way to start a round! Told you, boy, it was going to be a glorious day for me!”

Again, I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut and told him that there’s no way I could write down a ‘3’ on the scorecard that was printed with Barack Obama’s image and titled “Hope, Change, Fairways and Greens”. In reality it took him no less than ten strokes to get his balls in the hole. “Sir, one in the creek, two out, hitting three then swinging and missing twice before bouncing it in the trap, that’s six. You skipped the sand bunker to place a Pelosi ball five feet from the hole, that’s seven, eight. Then missed the putt and picked it up declaring a ‘gimme’, that’s nine, ten strokes on a par four. And you say to give you a three? No sir. In the name of integrity for the game, I can’t do that. Sir. And sir? My name is John, not Boy.”

“Boy! I told you that it’s only bigoted to call a black man ‘boy’ when it’s an albino bacon bits belegana saying it! Damn, boy, you know I am the POTUS, right? I can do whatever the hell I want to do. Rules, regulations, laws? That’s for little people, not top dawgs like me! Shit, boy, you know who I am? Playing this game of golf? It’s like ruling the world. I put the enemy’s face on a piece of wood and smash him, or her if you’re talking about that Palin or one of them Fox News girlies, and watch it go into oblivion. That’s, ah, war, my boy. One of these days a golf course will be just like the world I was promised to rule. George and Eric say that in a perfect world, the golf course of politics will be one big ass open field kept mowed by, ah, ‘surfs’ is what they said, whatever that means, with one humungous hole the size of New York City in the center. One world, one nation! With moi at the middle of it all! Yessir boy. You stick with me and I’ll….” Obama broke off his maniacal rant to take another call.

“Where? Free Go Son? Fergie’s Son? Sheeit, Eric, you going where? For what? Oh yeah, Josh told me about that. Damned white aryan cop murdered that innocent young brother. Ah, yep, Josh called me yesterday while I was on the ninth hole ’bout that. Cost me an eagle! Had to take a bird there. I took Glenn Beck and whipped his conspiring white cheeks in the lake. Cost me an eagle Eric! Yeah, ah, you go there and tell them I’m thinking of all them black people, ah, victims. You make sure of that, okay?”

The POTUS turned up the speakers in the cart with Capone N Noreaga screaming “100 channels, turn station, operation 140, Earthquake would bring glory, Noreaga, but for short just call me Nore Catagory, point-blank end of the story”. Obama said “Now that’s dope, boy! Boy? Boy? Where you going boy?”

It was more than I could take. I wiped off the charcoal and turned my white honky-ass face back to Barack Obama and said ” From one ‘boy’ to another: Your balls are all wet!” then tossed all his golf balls in the drink and ran like a scared cat back to my SUV and drove away with three black Cadillac’s chasing me. As I rounded the turn losing the Secret Service back at the gate, I saw Barack Obama kissing what looked like the Sister Souljah ball that slipped out of my hand at the second hole.

End of report.

 

 

 

Written by boofeeder

August 22, 2014 at 2:26 pm

JAY CARNEY SAYS GOP AND REPUBLICAN CONGRESS RESPONSIBLE FOR TRIPPING-CAUGHT ON VIDEO!

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After a press corp news briefing, Jay Carney tripped off the podium and broke his nose! He was flown by helicopter to the NIH hospital where he was treated and released four hours later. Asked what he fell on, Carney wrote ” Clearly, it’s a GOP conspiracy! And Fox News supported it! We have a video that shows John Boehner and Ed Henry sneaking up to my dais and tying my shoelaces together. It wasn’t my fault! Clearly Not!”

The following day, Mr. Carney appeared at the daily briefing with a head cast that covered his face with openings for his eyes, ears and mouth. Try as he might, Jay Carney was unable to mutter a sensible word. He pointed a wagging finger at Boehner and Fox News’ Ed Henry then turned the podium over to his assistant, Rachael Maddow, formerly of MSNBC. She read off a transcript Carney prepared for her:

” Clearly, Fox News and the GOP hate me and my boss. So what if I stick to the talking points? So what if they can’t understand the agenda of my leader’s administration? Clearly, they would rather the economy be turned over to the ultra rich who clearly are unfair and clearly don’t give a whit about the American people. The same American people that we love and adore and want to give them everything they need in return for what? Votes? Is that so bad? Clearly, it is not. That they would stoop so low as to tie my shoelaces together to put me in this hideous cast is deplorable. Clearly. And we caught them on video! See for yourself!”

Maddow pointed a clicker at the projector to begin the telltale video. The film showed Jay Carney talking to and laughing with Chris Matthews about what Mr. Obama ate for breakfast while the backs of two figures crept on the bottom of the screen. A minute later, Carney turned to walk away then fell flat on his face. Once he stopped bawling, a team of EMT’s rolled him away in a stretcher. He cried for his mommy but, sadly, she was not in attendance that day.

Ed Henry of Fox was quick to point out that it is impossible to identify the culprits that played a dirty trick on the boy,er, man. Rachael Maddow immediately took off her horn rimmed glasses and said ” YOU! I would recognize that ass anywhere! It was you and your cohort in crime, John Boehner! Two asses I’ve seen many times! Clearly! It was you and him!” She shouted so hard that a hair went out of place causing her to pull a comb out her back pocket to put it back where it belonged.

MSNBC, CNN, CBS and ABC news all reported the incident as a blow against the Obama regime by the evil, rich, money grubbing GOP and the video proves it. Clearly.

 

 

 

Written by boofeeder

May 1, 2014 at 9:25 pm

LOIS LERNER – OBAMA/IRS FALL GIRL – GOES TO JAIL!!

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Written by boofeeder

April 11, 2014 at 11:35 pm