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NANCY PELOSI CALLS FOR UNITY – OR WHAT

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pelosi

In an exclusive interview with our Boo Feeder, Nancy Pelosi made some interesting observations that we are still trying to unravel. Read the question and answer session to form you own opinion. She was about to enter the Washington National’s stadium to watch the 108th annual Congressional Baseball Game when Feeder caught her in the elevator.

“Mrs. Pelosi, my name is Boo Feeder. Can I ask you a few questions before the game begins?”

“Feeder? Oh why yes of course! Your name ends in a vowel right? I always feel a special connection to our Italian – American heritage! ” She said while flailing her hands inside the tight space of an elevator.

Amazed that Mrs. Pelosi thinks an “r” is a vowel, Boo Feeder smiled then took advantage of the opportunity and continued the interview with ” Mrs. Pelosi, you called for Donald Trump to be impeached on Monday then one day later after the shooting of Steve Scalise said that you pray for Trump to have a successful presidency. Which one is it ma’am?”

“Young man! Why are we not moving? I pushed that button thingy for the penthouse suite and we haven’t left the first freaking floor!” She swung her arms so hard that her right hand hit Boo Feeder in the nose causing his delicate olfactory to spill blood all over his shirt. ” Hey pie-san you’re going to get blood on my Prada purse! You dumb wop! Get me out of here!” This time it was her left hand that she slung into his eye. “And hey pretty boy. What’s your name? Guido? Guido push that god damned button again. The one that has ML on it. Mi Lacasa! My home! Get me there goom-bah!”

Seeing no point to tell her ML was for the Mezzanine Level not whatever this crazy woman who’s now given him a black eye to match his broken nose, Boo went on ” Do you agree that the hateful, violent actions on the left such as mock beheadings and assassinations have ginned up the more mentally unstable citizens like the man who set out to massacre republicans?”

The elevator stopped then Pelosi stormed out screaming ” Where’s my people? Where the hell is my goddamned aide? Antonio, where are you sweetheart?” she kept yelling to crowds of people who kept clear of a woman who would have been best served with a straight-jacket than a Prada handbag.

Feeder, running after her with one hand squeezing his nose and covering his eye with the other looked just as insane as his prey. Then, lucky for him, someone on Pelosi’s staff swept her into a corporate box where he continued the conversation.

“Mrs. Pelosi, please can you tell me whether you blame the pundits, politicians and media for dividing the USA with acts of violence and what can you do to stop the madness?”

“Here boy, use this napkin on your nose. It’s disgusting!” She handed Feeder a Kotex she’d kept in her purse in remembrance  of happier days then said “Blame? Oh no, I don’t blame my dear friends Ratchet Madcowe, Dan Crathers or Katy Griffing or anybody. We have to get it on! You know what I’m saying pie-sang? How dare they be so sanctimonkeyous! C’mon Boosh, we got’s business to take care of!” She slurred out then rolled her head backwards demanding someone walking by the opened door “Boy! Get me a damned drink! Vodka on the rocks but not the Russian kind. Leave that for Donald Trump. He drinks Russian vodka you know. I think he should..” Pelosi stopped mid sentence to stand up and run out on to the walkway screaming ” Did you hear that? Some guy on the loudspeaker said ” Sherman shot a bullet down first base line!” then screamed “GET OUTA THIS GOD FORSAKING PLACE! The freaking ass tanks are coming for us with weaponage! ”

Boo Feeder let he go, trying to interview a sober Nancy Pelosi was hard enough. Making sense of Pelosi after she’s had one or seven too many was a task only MSNBC would partake in. He went to the nearest Quick Care to have his injuries patched up then drove home breathing through his mouth and negotiating 495 with one eye, a task almost as dangerous as an interview with Nancy Pelosi.

 

Written by boofeeder

June 16, 2017 at 5:00 pm

COMEY MEETS IN PRIVATE MEETING WITH SENATE PANEL THEN LEAKS BOMBSHELLS!

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comeyAfter the public interrogation, the former FBI czar met with the Senate Intelligence Committee members in private to answer questions that he refused to answer in an open setting. Soon afterwards, Comey leaked an audio tape that he secretly had hidden in classic FBI fashion: a 007 style recorder planted in the Windsor knot of his tie. When the top secret testimony was over, James Comey ducked into the mens room to drop the nickel size recorder in the waste bucket for his cohort at the New York Times to dig out of the trash later. Unknowing to Comey, our own reporter, Boo Feeder, was using the restroom for its intended purpose and saw what the fired FBI director let go in the garbage. It is from that tape that we are able to tell our dear readers what went on behind closed doors.

The edited version goes like this:

Richard Burr: Thank you Mr. Comey for meeting with us.

James Comey: Like I had a choice ( chuckles )

Susan Collins: Mr. Comey, you admitted, much to my surprise, that you leaked a memo to the New York Times about your meeting with President Trump but you didn’t leak the fact that the FBI was not investigating the president for any ties with Russia. Or did you and it didn’t get out?

Comey: No Senator Collins, I did not leak anything to the Times. My best buddy did that. He and I have a relationship that is very private so we can share

Mark Warner: Whoa Jimmy! No need to get yourself in another jackpot!

Collins: Mr. Warner! I am not done! Please do not interrupt me when I

Kamala Harris: That’s enough out your lobster lips you old bag! I have some hair dye in my purse you might want to use. There’s a strand of gray peeking through your pine tree hair Suzy honey. Hi Jimbo! You’re looking fine today! How about we do lunch then you can do me!

Comey: No Kam, I can’t do that, sorry. I have to see a man about a boat ( the sound of swallowing water? is loud and clear ). After that my banker asked to see me about a recent deposit.

Marco Rubio: Your banker? Recent deposit? Were you paid to leak that memo and who paid you Mr. Commy?

Comey: It’s Coh-me Mr. Rubik, not Commie. I have served America all my adult life and resent your insinuation that I am a communist. But, if I were a commie, that would not be illegal. As you know there are plenty of commies in Washington DC but I am not one of them. I demand you take that back!

Rubio: Or what? You’ll take your crayons and go

Dianne Feinstein: ( yelling ) Stop it children! Jimmy, you and I go back a long way and I think it’s time we end this nonsense before you say something you’ll regret later. Miss Harris? I’m free for lunch and would love to be with ( pause ) go with you. My treat sweetie! ( a muffled female voice is heard saying “Gotchya baby” but we aren’t certain it was Kamana Harris’ voice )

John Cornyn: Okay, we all have somewhere to go so let’s get on with why we are here. Mr. Comey you say now that the FBI did not investigate Russian interference in our election but didn’t leak that to your buddy or anyone else. But, you did find it necessary to leak a memo about a conversation with Donald Trump who was only hoping that a man who served his country with valor and heroism from public disgrace. Now you infer that there are communists in DC who may be influencing our

Joe Manchin: Don’t answer that Jimmy! ( screaming ) You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are our friend and noble comrade! You

Burr: HA! Now we know who to put a target on! You and all the other anti-Americans in public office and in the mass media. You are all going down!

Harris and Feinstein: ( in unison ) Going down?!

Harris ( in sing-song ): Glory be! Let’s get outa here Di baby!

And with that, the meeting ended. Comey and most of the senate committee hustled their way out of the building. Kamala Harris and Dianne Feinstein were seen hand in hand running past the horde of photogs into one car then sped away.

 

Disclaimer:

This is Fake News! It is written to put a humorous spin on our ever depressing news of the days. None of it is true and not meant to be construed as such!

 

 

Written by boofeeder

June 9, 2017 at 6:07 pm

BOB BECKEL TAKES AIM AT DONALD TRUMP

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Written by boofeeder

March 15, 2017 at 6:08 pm

SASHA GOT DRUNK ON HER DADDY’S DIME AND TIME

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As your dear soon to be departed leader ( from the White House, not from the living! ) was spending enough time saying farewell that he nearly went into a third term, his dear, sweet fifteen year-old daughter was getting sloshed on Vodka at a previously undisclosed location. She declined a seat at the king’s table saying “That’s awight. I got this example to study for. It gone be a bitch Ma! I best be staying home but tell pops good luck. I’ll catch him later. Right?” The fam left her home knowing she would be burning the midnight oils for her history test in the Black American’s Persecution in America class at her private school.

The black, gas guzzling SUV’s glided along to more gas using airplanes and automobiles all in the name of Our Greatest Man Who Ever Became President, Barack Hussein Obama. Damn the climate eating, fossil fuels. Our Black history is more important than some fat, stupid polar bear! So off they went while Sasha closed her bedroom door with her books and one convenient friend: Dad’s best bottle of Vodka.

She took one sip then one more. Feeling the good burn she’d become so familiar with, she let one good, long swallow go down the pipes. Her eyes closed to see Nirvanna playing on the inside of her lids and an amazing little banner-thingy running by in neon fashion saying ” Go Go Go! There’s a party on at a Sidwell’s Friend friend. Go!” So off she went.Out the window, climbed the fence and ran to ( name withheld) house on Quebec St. Luckily for her, the agents in charge of her safety were playing spades on the back deck and never saw the flash of green and red woolen pajama’s go swishing by.

When the teenager came crashing into the modest brick home, the BOSE speakers and the liquor induced commotion held no regard for a First Daughter. It wasn’t until an hour later when Sasha began to sober up from all the running and twerking sweating the booze out of her that she noticed someone laughing Way too loud ” Hashtags everywhere Yo!” Sash, you gone be hashtag queen with where you!”

“Huh?” the youngster said. “Hashtagging me? For effing what? Daddy knows I can kick it just as much as he can. Him and his ‘Beer Summits’. You think I don’t know about what he does in that funny-ass shaped room? Him a Bill Clinton turned that into Party Central and I don’t know? Shiiit. I can kick it all I want and still pass that dumb-ass example tomorrow.”

And so she did. Sasha aced it! There was only one question: Which white people have denigrated Black Americans the most in all of history? “ALL OF THEM! So says my moms!” she wrote and got a 5.0. Four for correctness, one for getting that jump on the Secret Service.

Disclaimer: Unlike your other noteworthy Fake News sites that report bogus reporting as newsworthy, BooFeeder makes NO claim that any of this report is true. But maybe, just maybe…

 

Written by boofeeder

January 12, 2017 at 11:46 pm