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JAY CARNEY SAYS GOP AND REPUBLICAN CONGRESS RESPONSIBLE FOR TRIPPING-CAUGHT ON VIDEO!

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After a press corp news briefing, Jay Carney tripped off the podium and broke his nose! He was flown by helicopter to the NIH hospital where he was treated and released four hours later. Asked what he fell on, Carney wrote ” Clearly, it’s a GOP conspiracy! And Fox News supported it! We have a video that shows John Boehner and Ed Henry sneaking up to my dais and tying my shoelaces together. It wasn’t my fault! Clearly Not!”

The following day, Mr. Carney appeared at the daily briefing with a head cast that covered his face with openings for his eyes, ears and mouth. Try as he might, Jay Carney was unable to mutter a sensible word. He pointed a wagging finger at Boehner and Fox News’ Ed Henry then turned the podium over to his assistant, Rachael Maddow, formerly of MSNBC. She read off a transcript Carney prepared for her:

” Clearly, Fox News and the GOP hate me and my boss. So what if I stick to the talking points? So what if they can’t understand the agenda of my leader’s administration? Clearly, they would rather the economy be turned over to the ultra rich who clearly are unfair and clearly don’t give a whit about the American people. The same American people that we love and adore and want to give them everything they need in return for what? Votes? Is that so bad? Clearly, it is not. That they would stoop so low as to tie my shoelaces together to put me in this hideous cast is deplorable. Clearly. And we caught them on video! See for yourself!”

Maddow pointed a clicker at the projector to begin the telltale video. The film showed Jay Carney talking to and laughing with Chris Matthews about what Mr. Obama ate for breakfast while the backs of two figures crept on the bottom of the screen. A minute later, Carney turned to walk away then fell flat on his face. Once he stopped bawling, a team of EMT’s rolled him away in a stretcher. He cried for his mommy but, sadly, she was not in attendance that day.

Ed Henry of Fox was quick to point out that it is impossible to identify the culprits that played a dirty trick on the boy,er, man. Rachael Maddow immediately took off her horn rimmed glasses and said ” YOU! I would recognize that ass anywhere! It was you and your cohort in crime, John Boehner! Two asses I’ve seen many times! Clearly! It was you and him!” She shouted so hard that a hair went out of place causing her to pull a comb out her back pocket to put it back where it belonged.

MSNBC, CNN, CBS and ABC news all reported the incident as a blow against the Obama regime by the evil, rich, money grubbing GOP and the video proves it. Clearly.

 

 

 

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Written by boofeeder

May 1, 2014 at 9:25 pm

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