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Breaking news! The “ping” has been found to lead searchers to the mysterious 777 airliner. It has been located on board a Chinese merchant vessel in the Indian Ocean. The conversation that led to the discovery went like this:

“You seen the cookie? I’m hungry! What’s for lunch” said  second mate Tang to a deck swabber Yang.

“His pick.” Yang replied in his usual mumbling tenor.

“He’s sick? Ate too much slop! What’s the cook’s name? I’m putting him on report” Tang cried out.








And so it went with Yang’s voice raising at each utterance of the cook’s name. Finally, Tang understood the name and they both yelled out “Ping!” then repeated it in agreement several more times.


Meanwhile, standing on the poop deck, the chief petty officer, Ting, heard the last half of Tang and Yang’s conversation. He dialed his personal Princess phone to call his wife.

“Sang? I found ping! I found ping! We will be rich! Pack your bags! When I get to port, we are going to defect to the USA and cash in!”

“You found toothpick? Big freaking’ deal. We got toothpicks here. Lots of them. Our house is made out of toothpicks, dumbass.” Sang screamed into her telephone.

The CPO, frustrated with his wife who is a long sufferer of tinnitus causing him to repeat everything he says, began screaming “Not toothpick! Clean your ears! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!” he shouted but his wife was laying on the floor having tripped over her telephone cord and didn’t hear a word Ting had said.

“You hear that?” General Tso-he said to Private First Class Ka-ching. “Pings! We have pings! We have found that airplane that was on the news a month ago! Remember?”

“Ah! So! Ping!” a delighted Ka-ching retorted. “We call news people? We tell ping on ship? Ping! We found ping!”

By now all 173 men on board heard each other yelling out “Ping!” over the crushing sound of the twenty foot waves. One by one they got on their hidden cell phones to call loved ones, family and the AP press to share the discovery. Two of the people called were Ting and Tang’s American cousins, both, coincidentally, named Wally.

The Associated Press had enough confirmation from all those calls to report the news as real and broke it to news organizations all over the world. The headline on the Hong Kong Daily reads ‘Ka-ching! PING Found by Wally, Wally, Ting, Tang. Tso-he Says!’


Written by boofeeder

April 6, 2014 at 12:32 pm

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