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NANCY PELOSI CALLS FOR UNITY – OR WHAT

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pelosi

In an exclusive interview with our Boo Feeder, Nancy Pelosi made some interesting observations that we are still trying to unravel. Read the question and answer session to form you own opinion. She was about to enter the Washington National’s stadium to watch the 108th annual Congressional Baseball Game when Feeder caught her in the elevator.

“Mrs. Pelosi, my name is Boo Feeder. Can I ask you a few questions before the game begins?”

“Feeder? Oh why yes of course! Your name ends in a vowel right? I always feel a special connection to our Italian – American heritage! ” She said while flailing her hands inside the tight space of an elevator.

Amazed that Mrs. Pelosi thinks an “r” is a vowel, Boo Feeder smiled then took advantage of the opportunity and continued the interview with ” Mrs. Pelosi, you called for Donald Trump to be impeached on Monday then one day later after the shooting of Steve Scalise said that you pray for Trump to have a successful presidency. Which one is it ma’am?”

“Young man! Why are we not moving? I pushed that button thingy for the penthouse suite and we haven’t left the first freaking floor!” She swung her arms so hard that her right hand hit Boo Feeder in the nose causing his delicate olfactory to spill blood all over his shirt. ” Hey pie-san you’re going to get blood on my Prada purse! You dumb wop! Get me out of here!” This time it was her left hand that she slung into his eye. “And hey pretty boy. What’s your name? Guido? Guido push that god damned button again. The one that has ML on it. Mi Lacasa! My home! Get me there goom-bah!”

Seeing no point to tell her ML was for the Mezzanine Level not whatever this crazy woman who’s now given him a black eye to match his broken nose, Boo went on ” Do you agree that the hateful, violent actions on the left such as mock beheadings and assassinations have ginned up the more mentally unstable citizens like the man who set out to massacre republicans?”

The elevator stopped then Pelosi stormed out screaming ” Where’s my people? Where the hell is my goddamned aide? Antonio, where are you sweetheart?” she kept yelling to crowds of people who kept clear of a woman who would have been best served with a straight-jacket than a Prada handbag.

Feeder, running after her with one hand squeezing his nose and covering his eye with the other looked just as insane as his prey. Then, lucky for him, someone on Pelosi’s staff swept her into a corporate box where he continued the conversation.

“Mrs. Pelosi, please can you tell me whether you blame the pundits, politicians and media for dividing the USA with acts of violence and what can you do to stop the madness?”

“Here boy, use this napkin on your nose. It’s disgusting!” She handed Feeder a Kotex she’d kept in her purse in remembrance  of happier days then said “Blame? Oh no, I don’t blame my dear friends Ratchet Madcowe, Dan Crathers or Katy Griffing or anybody. We have to get it on! You know what I’m saying pie-sang? How dare they be so sanctimonkeyous! C’mon Boosh, we got’s business to take care of!” She slurred out then rolled her head backwards demanding someone walking by the opened door “Boy! Get me a damned drink! Vodka on the rocks but not the Russian kind. Leave that for Donald Trump. He drinks Russian vodka you know. I think he should..” Pelosi stopped mid sentence to stand up and run out on to the walkway screaming ” Did you hear that? Some guy on the loudspeaker said ” Sherman shot a bullet down first base line!” then screamed “GET OUTA THIS GOD FORSAKING PLACE! The freaking ass tanks are coming for us with weaponage! ”

Boo Feeder let he go, trying to interview a sober Nancy Pelosi was hard enough. Making sense of Pelosi after she’s had one or seven too many was a task only MSNBC would partake in. He went to the nearest Quick Care to have his injuries patched up then drove home breathing through his mouth and negotiating 495 with one eye, a task almost as dangerous as an interview with Nancy Pelosi.

 

Written by boofeeder

June 16, 2017 at 5:00 pm

COMEY MEETS IN PRIVATE MEETING WITH SENATE PANEL THEN LEAKS BOMBSHELLS!

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comeyAfter the public interrogation, the former FBI czar met with the Senate Intelligence Committee members in private to answer questions that he refused to answer in an open setting. Soon afterwards, Comey leaked an audio tape that he secretly had hidden in classic FBI fashion: a 007 style recorder planted in the Windsor knot of his tie. When the top secret testimony was over, James Comey ducked into the mens room to drop the nickel size recorder in the waste bucket for his cohort at the New York Times to dig out of the trash later. Unknowing to Comey, our own reporter, Boo Feeder, was using the restroom for its intended purpose and saw what the fired FBI director let go in the garbage. It is from that tape that we are able to tell our dear readers what went on behind closed doors.

The edited version goes like this:

Richard Burr: Thank you Mr. Comey for meeting with us.

James Comey: Like I had a choice ( chuckles )

Susan Collins: Mr. Comey, you admitted, much to my surprise, that you leaked a memo to the New York Times about your meeting with President Trump but you didn’t leak the fact that the FBI was not investigating the president for any ties with Russia. Or did you and it didn’t get out?

Comey: No Senator Collins, I did not leak anything to the Times. My best buddy did that. He and I have a relationship that is very private so we can share

Mark Warner: Whoa Jimmy! No need to get yourself in another jackpot!

Collins: Mr. Warner! I am not done! Please do not interrupt me when I

Kamala Harris: That’s enough out your lobster lips you old bag! I have some hair dye in my purse you might want to use. There’s a strand of gray peeking through your pine tree hair Suzy honey. Hi Jimbo! You’re looking fine today! How about we do lunch then you can do me!

Comey: No Kam, I can’t do that, sorry. I have to see a man about a boat ( the sound of swallowing water? is loud and clear ). After that my banker asked to see me about a recent deposit.

Marco Rubio: Your banker? Recent deposit? Were you paid to leak that memo and who paid you Mr. Commy?

Comey: It’s Coh-me Mr. Rubik, not Commie. I have served America all my adult life and resent your insinuation that I am a communist. But, if I were a commie, that would not be illegal. As you know there are plenty of commies in Washington DC but I am not one of them. I demand you take that back!

Rubio: Or what? You’ll take your crayons and go

Dianne Feinstein: ( yelling ) Stop it children! Jimmy, you and I go back a long way and I think it’s time we end this nonsense before you say something you’ll regret later. Miss Harris? I’m free for lunch and would love to be with ( pause ) go with you. My treat sweetie! ( a muffled female voice is heard saying “Gotchya baby” but we aren’t certain it was Kamana Harris’ voice )

John Cornyn: Okay, we all have somewhere to go so let’s get on with why we are here. Mr. Comey you say now that the FBI did not investigate Russian interference in our election but didn’t leak that to your buddy or anyone else. But, you did find it necessary to leak a memo about a conversation with Donald Trump who was only hoping that a man who served his country with valor and heroism from public disgrace. Now you infer that there are communists in DC who may be influencing our

Joe Manchin: Don’t answer that Jimmy! ( screaming ) You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You are our friend and noble comrade! You

Burr: HA! Now we know who to put a target on! You and all the other anti-Americans in public office and in the mass media. You are all going down!

Harris and Feinstein: ( in unison ) Going down?!

Harris ( in sing-song ): Glory be! Let’s get outa here Di baby!

And with that, the meeting ended. Comey and most of the senate committee hustled their way out of the building. Kamala Harris and Dianne Feinstein were seen hand in hand running past the horde of photogs into one car then sped away.

 

Disclaimer:

This is Fake News! It is written to put a humorous spin on our ever depressing news of the days. None of it is true and not meant to be construed as such!

 

 

Written by boofeeder

June 9, 2017 at 6:07 pm

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

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Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 4:22 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

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Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 4:03 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Application To MSNBC For A TV Host Job

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Boofeeder recently applied to MSNBC for the host position vacated by Corrine Brown ( D-Fla) who was to be filling in for Rev. Al Sharpton while he goes on leave for a sex reassignment operation. Whether his or not is not known at this writing. Nevertheless, ex-congresswoman Brown will be away serving time, er … visiting her constituents at Allenwood Federal Prison for the next dozen or so years. The job opportunity comes at a time when Boofeeder would welcome the extra income to support his ailing cat, Boo.

Following is a copy of the application:

Name: Boofeeder

Sex ( if decided ): Male

Age ( you may use a Common Core calculator ): 64 – (12 moons x’s 2 polar bears x’s 3 icebergs ) + 3 fingers = 29 years old.

How many times can you repeat “Russia” in sixty seconds? 179

Which syllable in “impeachment” is emfasized? :  Emphasized? That would be on IM-peach-ment

How many eye rolls can you do when the name “Trump” is menshunnned?  Mentioned? As many as it takes to get the job

Are you able to shout “Trump Loves Putin!” without spitting?  Yes, maybe.

Trump is in Israel now. Give a brief example of how you would begin your report if you were there: Here we are with Trump in Israel which is only 1600 miles from Moscow. That’s less than three hours away from Russia, plenty of time to collude with Putin on how to fix more elections. Russia, Russia, Russia! IMpeach Trump! Russia, Russia. Too damn close to Russia!

Does Miladia Trump speak Russian?  Melania? Of course! ALL Trumps speak Russian. They are Russia’s best friends!

How Much Do You Hate Trump? RUSSSSSSSSIA!!!!!!!

May 22, 2017 Update:

Boofeeder was turned down for the following reasons per an email received this morning that reads in part:

Mr. Ms. or Wz.  Boofeeder, We are happy to inform you that you will not be working for us. You are clearly too enamored with Trump to fill the chair in our esteemed studio. For one, spelling is Not to be korrected. Words cannot be put in a box, they must be free to be themselves whatever that is. Also, 179 times is all you can manage to say Russia in one minute? Our hosts and guests top our minimum requirement of 225 Russias/Minute. Also, we know you are a liar! 2 polar bears times 12 moons? Really? Everyone knows there will be no more polar bears in 12 moons! Study up on Global Warming and speeding up your Russia spewing skills then get back to us. But! Be quick be cause imPEACHment will be sooner than you thing.

So much for that! Looks like Boofeeder will be selling his watch collection to pay the veterinarian.

Written by boofeeder

May 22, 2017 at 3:58 pm

Interview With Hillary Clinton on Donald Trump and Health Care

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Written by boofeeder

May 8, 2017 at 4:20 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Interview With Hillary Clinton on Donald Trump and Health Care

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Boofeeder has been busily finding the perfect person to best vocalize the Democrats point of view in regards to the new health care bill recently passed by the congress. That bill will be hardly recognizable once the senate manhandles it but that does not stop politicians and pundits alike from getting their mugs in front of the cameras in favor or to show disdain for the bill.  The one person that has recently emerged from her self imposed isolation is Hillary Clinton. She says that she speaks for the whole Party of the People as she now calls the Democrats and agreed to this exclusive interview with our very own fearless reporter, Boo Feeder.

“Mrs. Clinton, thank you so much for this opportunity to talk with you. It is my humble honor to have you tell our audience what you think about the health care bill as passed on May 4, 2017.”

Hillary, as we have been allowed to address her, scanned her eyes at the approaching crowd and said ” Oh Mr. Feeder, the honor is all mine. To clarify my position, I want everyone to know that I will not be running for president in 2018. ”

” You mean 2020 ma’?” Feeder asked with lips pursed as his question was cut short.

Before he could get out the “‘am’, she retorted with ” We’ll see won’t we ” she chuckled then finished “One never knows what will be does one?” Chuckling again.

” Okay. With that said, did you review the bill and what would you have done had you won the election? ”

” I hate Trump” Hillary said with a Cheshire grin.

” Yes, I get that a lot from the left. But, don’t you find it odd that while Obamacare is falling apart with insurers bowing out and deductibles so high that the average American cannot afford to pay anything other than the fines under your former bosses plan? ” Boo had to step back as he was asking that question as Mrs. Clinton’s Maude-like jacket was flapping him in his legs. Whatever metal object in her pocket was jabbing him like a Shun knife on the chopping block.

” I hate Trump ” she said as her eyes closed under pinched brows.

Ignoring the blood soaking through his pants, Boo Feeder continued ” 94 of 99 counties in Iowa are now without health care choices. Millions of families making less than forty thousand dollars a year are required to pay twenty five to thirty five percent of their income before Obama’s health care kicks in. Doesn’t that concern you Mrs. Secretary? ”

” I hate Trump” she echoed.

” Even members in your own party acknowledge that Obamacare needs fixing. Are you against any fixes whatsoever? “. The blood was now filling up his sock.

” I hate Trump ” Hillary Clinton said again in a higher pitched, trembling voice.

” Yes, you hate our American president, Donald Trump. We all know that. You’ve made your hate for Trump, the Russians, James Comey, Fox News and all who differ from your views  very, very clear. What, dare I ask again, would you do different? ” What the hell is in that pocket of yours? is what he wanted to ask.

” I hate Trump “. Hillary Clinton repeated then reached into her pant suit jacket pocket and pulled out a Morning Star with ‘ Trump Slayer ‘ engraved on the shaft and twirled it around Boo’s head.

Boo, now stepped back another fifteen feet, asked ” So you hate Trump, that quite obvious but who, pray tell, do you love? ”

” I love everybody! ” Hillary Clinton screamed over and over while dancing with the medieval weapon as a gymnast manipulating a hula-hoop.

Boo was impressed by her physical agility but dismayed by her steadfast opposition to anything from the right. He wanted to stop the madness spinning and cringing in front of him but knew that would be impossible. After stopping the recording, he limped his paling self to the emergency room. Boo Feeder’s wound required ten stitches but what hurt more was the complete evisceration of  empathy and common sense of the Trump haters who claim to sympathize and love everyone on the planet.

 

Written by boofeeder

May 5, 2017 at 5:19 pm